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Go, talk to mom

This trick will fetch you more calmness than any amount of meditation.
Hindustan Times | By Sonal Kalra, New Delhi
UPDATED ON MAY 09, 2010 12:32 AM IST

Chaddha ji, in my world, is the uncrowned but undisputed king of irritating souls. No one, simply no one that I can think of, looks forward to a conversation with him. Except one person. Come 5:30 every evening, and you can see, as a ritual, this one person, have her evening cup of tea sitting in the balcony with Chaddha ji, nodding and smiling (how, how??) at whatever he’s saying. Mrs Chaddha senior, his mother, the noble soul, deserves a nobel for this. She’s been doing, for years, what no one dares on any given day. And I’m quite certain she’s the sole reason behind an odd flicker of sanity displayed by that man on rare occasions.

For as long as I remember, my mother has held a grudge that I’m uncommunicative. That I don’t ever call without a reason. Despite all my denials, she, like most mothers, maintains that when children grow up and turn into ‘busy’ adults, spending time talking to parents (read listening to motherly advice 24x7) ceases to be in the scheme of priorities. So it’s most ironic that I’m the one writing about this calmness trick today.

But how could I not? Because no matter how much we may claim that generation gap makes motherly ramblings difficult to identify with, sometimes even flat out irritating, there’s no escaping the truth that when it comes to calmness, nothing can beat this one trick. It works for all kinds of stresses —be it a nasty boss giving you a tough time or the spouse driving you mad, be it your teenage child getting out of hand to a relationship all gone wrong — talking to mom is de-stressing, always.

Note here is that I’m not saying talking to your mom about the very problem at hand necessarily helps. It may just, but it’s also possible that, for various reasons, you can’t always narrate all your woes to her. But even at those times, spending a few minutes with your creator, just talking about any irrelevant thing under the sun, or sometimes not saying anything at all, still has a magical soothing effect on the senses.

Scientific research supports that despite the umbilical chord having been severed years ago, the bond between a mother and a daughter or son of any age, still retains the potential to provide a psychological protective feel, in emotionally taxing times. No wonder why then, you would have heard many people say that losing your mother, no matter at whatever age, gives a sense of unparalleled loss.

I’m sure there are many, reading this right now, who would argue that their stress in life is infact because of their mom, because of the fact that they don’t get along. It’s a typical teenagers problem too — mom doesn’t understand what I’m going through, she cribs, she criticizes, she interferes, she fusses. And you are surely not imagining it. Mothers do all of that. But just remember two things. One, when you were really small, you surely did worse in terms of fussing about and throwing tantrums. And she braved them with much more patience than you have for her right now.

Second and more important, there’s mostly just one purpose behind all the cribbing, fussing etc that she does. Because she genuinely thinks she’s saying what’s best for you. You can dispute her advice, you can’t dispute her intentions. That’s the thing with mothers. Sonal Kalra called her mother without any reason for the first time after writing this column. Now mom thinks something is wrong, and will follow up with thousand questions. Oh God.

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