Help that hurts

It may happen that though we wish to help others, our so-called charity may not serve its true purpose.

It may happen unknowingly that though we wish to help others, our so-called charity may not serve its true purpose though done with no malice or ill will and in a compassionate way.

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Take for instance, the story of the young handicapped man who joined a mountaineering camp. This surprised the physically fit people and they were skeptical whether he would complete the camp successfully. Other campers tried to be helpful to him in every possible way. But this attention hurt his dignity instead of comforting him. When people thought of making special arrangements for him so that he could cross the river on a narrow rope bridge, he objected and crossed the river successfully on his own. Their unnecessary pity and compassion was unwelcome.

We often counsel people by giving them all possible solutions, without properly understanding the complexity and depth of their problems. Do we ever ask ourselves how authentic our solutions are? Are we the right people to counsel someone? Indeed, our wrong advice, instead of benefiting someone, can aggravate the problem.

We usually try to solve all the problems of our loved ones, especially children. But if they are not allowed to deal with small issues, larger ones will destroy them. They should be taught not to avoid problems but welcome them as challenges that will strengthen them so that they can be victorious in future.

It may happen unknowingly that though we wish to help others, our so-called charity may not serve its true purpose; though done with no malice.

It may happen that the money given to some beggar or someone who approaches you for help is actually not needed. They may use your money for addictions or some evil purpose. So a charitable gift is a gift of integrity only when given at the right place and time to the proper person, to one who cannot be expected to return the gift.

In particular, giving is a gesture that is meant to help somebody which, if conveyed verbally, is most likely to hurt him or her. It could well mean cash for those who are not financially sound or it could be helping out orphans to study so they can have a better future.