How to enjoy unsafe sex?
1. I have been married for three years now and we have a pretty healthy sex life. Till today, we did not plan a child and so we had safe sex. But now that we are planning a family and I have stopped using condoms. My problem is that when I used to have sex with her with a condom on, I used to last for about 7-10 minutes but without a condom I last only for 3-5 minutes. I am afraid this may leave her unsatisfied. What could I do to last longer without condoms?
Unsatisfactory marital life
2. My sexual life is not going too well. I don't get proper erection and this is leading to a mental block and unhappiness in my marital life. Can you please suggest remedies and any doctor that I should consult for all this? I have been married for last 13 months and my wife is not happy due to this problem. Kindly help.
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What does my aunt want from me?
1. I am 27-years-old, living as a bachelor in Dubai. My uncle, who also lives here, is 55 and my aunt who is nearly 45 lives in India with her grown-up daughters. She comes to Dubai once a year and whenever I go to meet her she watches me very carefully. Moreover, she also gets very excited after seeing me and keeps complimenting me. I want to know if is she really wants sex with me because if she does then I am game. I want to know the meaning of things she keeps saying to me and what I do I interpret from her behaviour?
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: You have got it all wrong. All of these years your aunt has been assessing you as a prospective son-in-law. Remember she has grown daughters. She has been giving you tips to look good to bring you up to the standard of her daughters and you never tried to woo any one of them!
Marital problems taking its toll
2. I am a traditional guy from India. Like others, I also landed in the US for my education. After careful assessment, I got married to a girl from my city but a different community. There is a cultural gap but not language gap, but my parents thought that they are irrelevant as the girl is also highly educated. I helped her during deepest and darkest times in her career; gave all the support to stand on her feet. I am not asking her for any favors, as she is now my better half. For worse or better, I am amazed how frequently she rushes to conclusions and displays emotional outburst when we discuss any issue. My wife is not on good terms with my parents (in India) and cares little about them. No problem there, "adjustment" is the keyword. Every time she argues, she threatens to get divorced, and go on her own. I tell her, don't rush and run away from problems. This has been happening for eight years now. Before my wife got pregnant, I warned her that if she intends to separate then let's not have a baby. Only after she promised that she would never utter the word "divorce" we planned a baby. Now things are getting worse. Her parents never tell her how to behave; but preach me to look after their daughter well. They don't get the reality that my wife is "SO INDEPENDENT" that she always wants her way. It's me who is in a miserable position. Now, what's your advice on this?
A simple guy from India
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: The marital problem you have described seems to be due to temperamental differences between the two of you. From whatever little description you have provided about your own personality it can be concluded that you are a person of high principles, have rigid opinions and like to lead life logically and generally consider your decisions correct and above reproach. It is a classical example of 'obsessive-compulsive personality. Your wife on the other hand seems to be rather impulsive, easy- going person with a need for immediate fulfillment of her desires and her set of sensitivities. She seems to be a classical example of 'histrionic personality'. She is a bundle of emotions while you are very logical person for whom reason is supreme. Both of you should have gone for marriage counselling long ago and learnt to look within yourself rather than always pointing at the other partner's faults. There is still some hope provided both of you opts for counseling with open mind and without coercion from the other partner.
First Published: Oct 25, 2006 15:06 IST