'I don't want to feel my girl's body'
1. I'm going to get married in few months but I'm having this strange feeling that my sex life won't be good. The reason I think this way, is that, my fiancée is very slim. Although, we haven't had sex yet, whenever I feel her body, I don't feel good. I don't even feel good while kissing her because her upper lip feels rough. Last week, for the first time I felt her breasts, but they are so small, that I don't want to feel them again. I have no doubts that I'll marry this girl but I want to get over this feeling. Please advise.
Bothered by a nosy problem
2. I am a 22-year-old, average looking girl. For some reason within the past 2-3 years, I have developed major complex about my nose. I feel it's super fat (when I know its not that bad) and I feel it turns off people. I have met this guy on chat and we are soon to meet. He has seen my pictures and we talk so often and he likes me too. But I feel when I meet him; I will lose confidence because of my nose. I may then end up smiling less and can get too conscious. What if he rejects me because of my nose? I know it sounds funny but these mental issues of mine are controlling me. Please help!
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Ashamed of sex with a committed man!
1. About six months ago, I began a sexual relationship with a man who told me he was unhappy with his girlfriend of four years and decided to leave her. They had a very serious and committed relationship. He soon realized that he had made a mistake and returned to being with her. So of course we stopped seeing each other out of respect for her and did not talk either. A few weeks after his return, he called me and from the past few months we have not had an innocent phone based friendship that his girl does not know about. I don't know why I can't just stop talking with him! I feel so bad, but it gets worse. Last night I was talking to him and he said he missed me and wanted to see me, so I met up with him and we had sex. I knew it was wrong, but did not feel bad at the time. Now today I feel beyond horrible for my actions and I even have a feeling that she knows. I have never met her, but I have totally betrayed another woman and that is against all of my morals. Even if she doesn't know and never finds out, the guilt that I feel will eat me up. I know that I need to stop this right here and now, but knowing and doing is different. I am not in love with him and I know I will never be with him but I have in fact become very attached to this man, my friend. I will miss our conversations and relationship so much. I do know the difference between right and wrong. But I do not know how to move on and do the RIGHT thing. If their relationship ends because of this I will never forgive myself! Guide me.
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: Guilt and shame are as ephemeral in a casual relationship as the relationship itself. Why bother with such noble sentiments? It is not you but the guy who is cheating his girlfriend of four years. You probably are just a side-kick for him and nothing prevents you from continuing the game for as long as you want without getting sentimental about it. It certainly is not a kind of relationship, which would eventually lead to marriage. The guy might end up by marrying his girlfriend.
'I can't touch my girl'
2. I am living with a girl who wants to marry me. She has had sexual relations with other guys in the past. Now she does not want to get physical with me. Just before meeting me, she became religiously inclined and took pledge in front of her Guru to have sex only for kids. But I have regular sex urge. She wants to marry me but her candid confession about past and not allowing me to touch her also gives immense pressure to our relationship. I don't know what to do. Please advice me.
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: Both of you are playing a game. She has her motive known only to her for remaining chaste after enjoying affairs. You are having fun playing a hero, rescuing a damsel in distress. It is certain that your compassion for her and your immense pleasure in not allowing you to touch her is not going to last long. Nothing prevents you from living with her as long as both of you are comfortable with the relationship however screwed it is. Both of you can always move on to your separate ways without rancour, that is, without hate or bitterness whenever the tensions build up.
First Published: Oct 18, 2006 13:32 IST