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Not interested in sex?

There are many instances when women lose interest in sex or lack sexual desire even when they are newly married. Dr Hitesh Shah gives tips for a great marriage...

india Updated: Jun 12, 2009 13:11 IST

There are many instances when women lose interest in sex or lack sexual desire even when they are newly married.
Rita and Mahesh (names changed) were a just-married couple. Rita was scared of the first night-sex after her cousin told her that it was an extremely painful experience.

Besides, Mahesh was impatient to have sex on the first night. Rita also felt that he was handling her in a rough manner. His lovemaking was forceful and he wanted to have penetrative on the first night itself (perhaps to prove that he was a hotblooded man). Rita experienced excruciating pain and was terrified of sex since.

Unfortunately, in our country, young couples are not provided with enough knowledge on issues pertaining to sex and lovemaking. Sex is an expression of love and not just a proof of one’s masculinity or femininity. These misconceptions lead to traumatic and unpleasant sexual experiences which lead to sexual problems.

Problems with in-laws
Her first-night experience caused Rita to lose interest in sex. After returning from their honeymoon, Mahesh had to go out of town frequently on business.

This led to a deterioration in their sex life. On the few occassions that they had sex, he realised that he had developed the problem of premature ejaculation. This embarrassed him and he avoided sex.

Rita didn’t enjoy sex at all. She didn’t reach an orgasm. Rita withdrew into a shell. She was suffering from a condition called Inhibited Sexual Desire, which was further aggravated by Mahesh’s premature ejaculation.

Problems in their sex life prevented the formation of an emotional bond between them. To make matters worse, she had
other problems in her personal life because she couldn’t adjust with her in-laws.

Emotionally shattered
When the couple consulted me, they were emotionally shattered and had grown apart sexually. Some of their close friends and
relatives had tried to help them out but hadn’t succeeded.

As a therapist, I assured them that they could infuse life into their marriage. I explained to them that none of them were at fault and asked them to first stop playing the blame game.

It was important for them to build up mutual trust, confidence, respect and affection. Homeopathy helps to dissipate negative energy. Sexual problems can be solved when the emotional problems are taken care of.
Gradually, they started responding to treatment. Their sex life improved.

So was the love, intimacy and understanding. Sex education, art of sexual intimacy and behavior sex therapy played a vital role in this.

First Published: Jun 11, 2009 21:24 IST