Smile at God
I am holding back the column that should have appeared today because I feel it is just as important that I highlight the following correspondence...india Updated: Oct 13, 2003 12:43 IST
I am absolutely humbled by the response ... I am trying my utmost to interact with you with all my honesty and love. I am holding back the column that should have appeared today because I feel it is just as important that I highlight the correspondence that I am having with a couple of surfers for it holds as much a part of me and my thoughts. I was afraid that the correspondence might get lost in the link below marked 'My replies'. I would put up the column on Monday (October 13) in which I am going to talk about my feelings about the book 'Autobiography of a Yogi' (which is mentioned in one of the mails given below). Has anyone one of you read it? Care to write about your experiences? Thanks and take care.
By the way, people who wanted to visit the 'tantric' or the deity, I have written to them. Please go to the link 'My replies' given below and you will find the answer there.
Renu from Maryland, USA wrote to me on October 9, 2003
I am currently going through a difficult phase in my life, I am blessed with two daughters. My brother-in-law is now going to have his second son. They live 6 hrs away and never keep any contact with us. My mom is highly religious and now my trust in the Almighty is becoming nil... I have prayed, and cried and tried every which way to have a heir for my husband. He is very successful and there lies the problem. My mom seeing me suffer to this degree constantly tells me that absolutely nothing is in our hands, what God has bestowed upon me is meant to be.
But I feel it is so unfair that a person who is so selfish is given two sons. My in-laws of course belong to the mindset where girls are wholesale in their house and boys are everything. And that brings me to my husband who absolutely adores his children and likes to enjoy what God has given him. It is only me who feels that I have come into my husband's life and not given him a son. Please advise me on how to get rid of this feeling. I do not want to get into a serious depression.
It's been almost two days since I received your mail and I still can't come up with anything, which might help you in feeling better ... and this is not because your problem is too complex but because there is no problem in the first place, both logically and spiritually speaking (spirituality is inclusive of logic by the way).
Anyhow, let me first state honestly here that your honesty has taken me by surprise. How many urban mothers, in today's day and age admit even to themselves at times that they miss having a son … it is not only wrong, absolutely wrong to feel this way but it is also not 'fashionable', the 'politically right' thing to utter! By admitting to your negative feeling, you lay yourself open to public ridicule - that is a brave thing to do and that is also the first step towards making corrections.
I don't know how many people would have repeatedly told you the same thing; allow me please to be yet another one to tell you that ... science teaches us emphatically that the gender of the child depends on the man and not the woman. I am sure you would remember your lesson in Biology, which taught each one of us that while the egg of the woman constitutes only the XX chromosomes, the sperm (man's contribution) could lend either XX or XY. If the sperm, which mates with the egg constitutes XY, then a male offspring is created and in case both the egg and the sperm constitute XX - XX then the child is a girl.
How do you then hold yourself responsible for the gender of your children? By any stretch of logic, it is not right to do so.
I really wish I could meet you Renu for what you need is a good shake up as I am so sure that you already know the science behind it ... do you need someone to tell you that India's most dynamic Prime Minister has been a woman? And oh my, the company that I work for is headed by a woman, Shobhana Bhartiya, daughter of KK Birla - yes, an 'heir' to his media legacy - Hindustan Times!
Of course you don't need these examples, such examples flood the business and political magazines every week.
What you need is the desire to be happy with what you have, for what you actually have are two far more potentially spiritual beings in your own home than what you would have had if you had sons! Don't believe me? Ask anyone who you know to be a spiritually aware person - that person will tell you as much. You know what, I put your question in front of this person who is spiritually quite advanced (advanced being a relative term of course) and that person just laughed. Laughed not in ridicule but in sheer amusement ... "Megha, Shiva without Shakti is nothing but Shava. The Shakti, the all-pervasive Cosmic energy - the prana shakti, the Kundalini, they are female energy. A woman any day is spiritually more advanced than a man; that is why God endowed her with the responsibility of motherhood - she is the unconditional giver, she is the Mother.
"Men have stronger physical and mental energies and a woman has stronger emotional and spiritual energies - these two energies being superior than the ones that a man possesses. It is the mind that manipulates, never the heart.
"Tell that woman that she is blessed to have daughters, a spiritually more evolved species. Tell her to bring them up well. They can always look after their father's work, that is nothing to be worried about."
What more can I say to you? If you were anguished because your husband complained about you having borne him two daughters and abused you for the same, then I would have found it easier to fathom your pain. But here, God has blessed you with a sensible, loving man for a husband. You are your own tormentor and you realise that as well. Any form of help that has to come has to come from you only. You are a strong person, otherwise you wouldn't have ventured to write that mail to me ... then why do you seek help - you don't need any. You are just unnecessarily wallowing in self-pity and wasting precious time that you have with people around you.
C'mon, wake up from this miserable state and open your eyes to the splendid life that the Almighty has blessed you with ... please don't be such a thankless soul. We do something for someone and expect to be appreciated and when appreciation doesn't come our way, we feel so let down, we feel that we have been taken for granted and we create such a ruckus about it ... have you ever thought about our dear ole' God? Our God has been giving eternally and not yet a word of praise and thanks ... only more cribbings ... what a thankless lot we are ... get up and give Him/Her a hug, apologise for having been a naughty child and behave from this moment onward.
I send you a lot of smiles.
The following mail is to a woman who has had a bad time with relationships and her sisters too are not getting married. They are all nice looking women, highly educated and well placed in life otherwise. Her parents are very depressed as the daughters are not getting married and they have been consulting various pundits but to no avail. They have been told and have begun to feel strongly that some negative energy is working against their welfare. I am withholding the woman's identity and her detailed mail to me. I am only publishing my mail to her for it partly contains what is to appear in my next column.
Sorry that I took so long in writing back to you but I didn't want to give a rushed reply.
First and foremost, you can put the 'blame' for your 'sufferings' on either the negative energies (source could be any) or the collective karmas of your family or both. Whatever the reasons behind your anguish be, I am sure what is more important here is the solution - and believe me the basis for all solutions actually lies in getting in touch with the positive energies that surround us in abundance, it is only a matter of being able to tap them. So forget about tracing the whys and hows of your troubles and let us begin with seeking the remedy.
Tell me one thing, if your faith in the negative is so absolute, why are so hesitant about believing in the awesome power of the positive?
Ok, let us drop this for a while. You might start wondering if the only service that I can offer you is that of words ... maybe yes! But those words will not come from me; those words come from a Realised Master. Those were the words that changed my perspective, those were the words that incessantly inspired me to look for the Divine, those were the words that resolved all my miseries. Read 'Autobiography of a Yogi' and 'Divine Romance' by Swami Yogananda Paramhansa.
As you read the words uttered by the Great Soul, you shall also come upon those couple of lines that will change your life and of those around you, provided you make them aware of the same. Am I promising you a miracle? Who am I to promise you thus - the moment you read those lines and absorb them in your whole being, you will yourself see the changes. It is a tried and tested way that I ask you to tread my friend, my dear fellow being. The Great Master awaits you and all those who are eager to seek refuge in Him. Once you connect with the Master, you will know what was it that I was talking about. He is Joy, Love And Peace; He is the embodiment of all these and more. My beloved Master! And no, He doesn't belong to any one religion, so you can relax on that account, no one is talking about conversions here.
I wouldn't tell you who it is that I talk about, that is for you to find out. I could tell you the page number but then you wouldn't reach where I hope and pray for you to reach. Go there and gradually you will find all your answers - the only pre-requisite being that you reach out with all innocence and faith to the Loving Master who is still looking at you with Eternal Love and Compassion.
Do read the books that I have mentioned to you. They would be available in any good bookstore or you could also go to this site https://www.srfbooks.com/HowToOrder.asp.
I had thought that after writing the above to you I would resume from where I stopped abruptly in the second paragraph but words have suddenly taken flight and I am speechless, no thoughts enter my mind except a few which I will now proceed to write.
Please do it with Absolute Faith, I beseech you to do so.
The moment you stop reading my mail to you, close your eyes and ask God (in which ever form you relate to Him/Her the best) to be with you and show you the way. Ask Him to hold your hand and promise that you will never let go of it again and then go on to feel what you feel … after having stayed in that state for however long you wish to be (it could be a few seconds to a few minutes to whenever), get up and smile. Let that smile come from within and spread that smile in your house, share it with everyone you meet and feel the warm glow that comes from within. Always know that the Cosmic Father/Mother is right behind you, right next to you, is all around you and once you have invited the Divine to stay with you, acknowledging Their presence at all moments, you will see how all things negative remain at a mile's distance from you.
First Published: Oct 11, 2003 19:23 IST