E-Paper
Things left unsaid
Now that I have lost my wife, I feel there is so much that I left unsaid, and undone that the guilt is killing me. What can I do? Veena Minocha answers...
This question and answer series will help to clear your inner-soul confusion on all matters that are demanding your spiritual attention. Spiritual teacher and Healer Ms Veena Minocha will endeavour to clear the 'fog within' by answering all questions sent to her atveenaminocha@hotmail.com
Being an Indian, I had an arranged marriage 24 years ago. My wife, though well educated, was brought up to fit into the typical mould of an Indian wife: dedicated, utterly faithful, loyal and devoted to me, and the family. She uncompromisingly gave of her understanding and cooperation, loving the whole extended family unconditionally all these years.
I took all these gifts for granted, and never once tried to fathom what I could do to make life easier and happier for her. Today I have lost her, and I feel that there was so much that I left unsaid, so much that I left undone, that the guilt eats at my insides every moment. Is there something I can do to expiate my guilt, in this seemingly helpless situation, since she is not around any more?
Himanshu Lowe from Ontario, Canada
Veena Minocha answers: Yours is the classic case of taking a late look at life, and not living with awareness, when the time was right. Whilst your dear wife was alive, if you had taken a few moments of your busy life to appreciate all that was being given to you, on a platter, you would definitely not be in this situation at all.
However, I would request you not to destroy yourself with this deadly emotion called 'guilt'. Remember, we are all born with a certain 'karma' to fulfill, and it was your wife's karma to have served you and your family lovingly and patiently, without demanding anything in return. And it was your good 'karma' to have received such love in full measure. Nothing happens without a reason, so even this attitude of yours was for a reason, perhaps, where she was not to receive appreciation for her good work. However, she has passed on, after completing all that she came to do, and has fulfilled her karmic responsibilities beautifully, and wisely!
Every day, call upon her beautiful soul, and thank her for doing all that she did. Tell her about all those things you wished to tell her, had she been alive, and feel her happiness pass on its loving energy to you. This will expiate your guilty feelings.
The next step would be to ask her, in your communications with her, what it is that she would want you do, to commemorate her lovely life in a befitting manner. Perhaps she had some secret dream that was left unfulfilled, in the hustle and bustle of her family life? Perhaps there is some kind of work for the planet which she can guide you into doing, which would prove so fulfilling that it would ease your emotions into a sense of peace and the joy of giving?
Always remember, those who pass on have only moved into another dimension, not far removed from our physical one, and can be accessed easily, merely by calling upon them from within the depths of your heart.
Your wife did not live long, but just enough to bring you to this point, where you have learnt the importance of appreciating and loving those who are your soul mates. This is the best gift that she has passed on to you.
