Today in New Delhi, India
Nov 16, 2018-Friday
New Delhi
  • Humidity
  • Wind

Why are we suffering?

If we say positive outcome is the result of positive thinking, then is it right that my kids and myself are suffering for thinking negative thoughts?

india Updated: Mar 08, 2004 15:25 IST

This question and answer series will help to clear your inner-soul confusion on all matters that are demanding your spiritual attention. Spiritual teacher and Healer Ms Veena Minocha will endeavour to clear the 'fog within' by answering all questions sent to her at

I have been through the toughest time yet in my life. After 18 years of marriage, my wife decided to separate and swindled me. It took me two years to overcome this set back.

I have two intelligent and sweet daughters, they live with their mother. Unfortunately here in the USA, in divorce cases, 99.9 per cent time the mother ends up getting custody of children regardless of her character or financial situation or mental status. I tried to save my family but I guess my ex was going through tunnel vision and was not able to see besides the tunnel boundaries.

I worry for my kids who are suffering on account of our divorce. If we say or believe that "good things will happen if one thinks good things", then is it reasonable to say that my kids and myself thought negative and are suffering for it?

Name withheld on request

Veena Minocha answers: Dear reader, yes, I do agree with you that no one can see their children suffering, yet when you look at the overall picture you will see the deeper reasons why this sort of thing had to take place after 18 years of married life.

Firstly, you came into this life with a contract with your wife and children to be with them for this many number of years of their lives, and vice versa. That is your karmic accounting, and has been with you as part of your life's blueprint.

This is not something that you could have easily given up, unless you gave a strong intent, via the Prayer of Release of Karma, as explained earlier. Also, this was allowed by all the souls involved to happen, because there were a lot of learning lessons, culminating in life wisdom for the souls to be learnt.

If there were very strong recriminations, and the breakup was an emotionally stormy one, then yes, you have brought upon yourselves this extra amount of suffering, which could have been avoided if the breakup had been allowed in a smoother fashion. Remember, all the negative thoughts and actions that we send out to another, boomerangs on us at some point. Even in the midst of differences it is possible to refrain from adopting a vengeful stand, or overreacting to it.

However there are other things involved in this break up. How it was handled by both parents, and how the children reacted to this break up, were the choices which were before you. There must have been many alternative ways to handle the situation, so as to cause the least amount of pain for everyone involved, especially the two little girls.

My recommendation to you would be to look into each one's behaviour analytically, and try your hardest to forgive them their role in your suffering. That will probably be what is going to help you to release the burden of the heavy emotions that you carry on your back.

They tried to teach you something, look for what this was. It might help you to also, if you delved into the dynamics of the situation and tried to learn the wisdom that it offered you, so that learning to handle difficult people and experiences becomes an easier one, and you do not need to go through two years of pain to get over with it. Experiencing the depths of pain always brings us closer to our Higher Selves, provided we use the energy of anguish to fuel this discovery.

Old hurts and angst need to be cleansed and erased, for a miraculous transformation to mark the beginning of a new chapter of your life. From tragedy to new meaning--that is life!

First Published: Mar 08, 2004 15:22 IST