You?re mine, all mine
Remember the characters of Shah Rukh Khan in Darr, Sharad Kapoor in Dastak and glam babe Urmila Matondkar in Pyaar Tune Kya Kiya? They all were in love, and extremely possessive about their love interest, which eventually led to their end.india Updated: May 26, 2006 00:26 IST
Remember the characters of Shah Rukh Khan in Darr, Sharad Kapoor in Dastak and glam babe Urmila Matondkar in Pyaar Tune Kya Kiya? They all were in love, and extremely possessive about their love interest, which eventually led to their end.
Possessiveness is a very common emotion that prevails in love relationships but when this emotion fails to abide by any boundary you are in a deep trouble. Though it is very unlikely to run into such extreme characters in real life, several people have terminated their relationships because their partners grew over-possessive with time.
Sex no bar
The trait is not peculiar of any gender. A girl can be as much of a bully as a guy when love becomes an obsession. It all begins with asking about the whereabouts of the partner when the couple is not together turning into demanding an account of every single moment.
Then starts a list of decrees to be followed like deadlines to come back home, minimum interaction with opposite sex as far as possible and the list is endless.
So when does it become unbearable? Explains Dr Ekta Soni, senior clinical psychologist, Apollo Hospital, “Possessiveness is fine but as excess of anything is bad, over-possessiveness turns into psychiatric disorder.”
Dr Jitendra Nagpal, consulting psychiatrist at VIMHANS, opines, “In today’s fast moving society, partners don’t get to spend much time with each other and thus the need of warmth and empathy leads to craving for attention.”
Dr Soni cites several reasons for this behavioural unrest. ““The problem stems from personal insecurities,” she concedes. It is the person’s inferiority complex and lack of confidence that makes them think that their partner might find someone better. Some require constant validation of being wanted and turn over-possessive when their needs are not met. Another very important consideration is past experience. If a person has experienced dejection in past relationships, one is bound to feel scared of meeting the same fate. Shattered confidence jeopardises the issues of trust, understanding and faith and stifles all breathing space in a relationship.
So, what is the solution? Talk. Nothing can be better than having a heart-to-heart conversation where both the partners can explain their views and try to be more enduring and understanding of each other’s situation. Counselling can also be sought before it is all over.
Love is the most wonderful feeling but it requires space to grow. If extreme behaviour strangulates this, survival is impossible. Love is a package that comes handy with trust and understanding.