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HT Brunch Cover Story: Scars and stripes
Women’s Day Special: Should imperfections on our bodies make us insecure? Meet five strong women, who wear lessons of life like badges of honour
“The scars you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed to the same rocks you hit.” This quote by New York-based bestselling author John Acuff hit home when I was suspected to have a tubercular lymph node above my collarbone, to the right of my neck.
“Just wear a necklace or how about high collars and scarves?” the ENT told me in a consolatory tone just minutes before the mandatory biopsy and added: “There will be pus and blood, just do the dressing… this will heal into a scar and oh, it’ll be there for life. ”My heart sank. As if the disease was not enough, I’d have a scar as well, which I would have to hide.
Initially, I wore stoles and collared tops to hide the scar. But when I saw people with similar marks at the TB counselling sessions I attended, I decided to just let it go. The liberation that acceptance gives you is unparalleled. Scars and marks carry beautiful stories – of recovery, struggle, stigma and strife. So, this International Women’s Day, we celebrate five beautiful ladies who take rightful pride in their scars and inspire other women with their stories.
“I learnt to love myself”
Devika Sharma, 26, Fashion designer
“At the age of 16, I underwent a kidney transplant as a result of kidney failure in infancy. I spent almost 20 years of my life in and out of hospitals and although I was under constant scrutiny, not even once had I heard any sort of negative remark regarding the scars across my body,” says Devika. “Until, at the age of 19, my folks and friends encouraged me to apply for a beauty pageant and for the first time, my biggest scar was exposed.”
Devika remembers the swimwear question and answer round at the pageant. The girls with tattoos were not asked about the marks on their bodies. But Devika was questioned only about her scar and then rejected.
“That moment it hit me that something that I considered sexy did not belong to the box of beauty,” says Devika. “From then on, I began to doubt my appearance. Eventually, I began using concealers and even considered surgery.”
Devika discussed plastic surgery with her parents. “My father reminded me of the value those scars held for all of us,” she recalls. “With time I realised there’s no perfection. The more we chase it, the further we get from celebrating our real beauty.” –LS
“Acceptance changed my life”
Mandeep Kaur, 23, Model
“Growing up with a birthmark was difficult,” says Mandeep. “At first glance, it seems like I have white patches, or vitiligo, on my neck. But it’s actually a birthmark. As I grew up, this small patch also grew into a bigger one and spread from my neck to my shoulder.”
Mandeep is about to walk the ramp for several designers at the forthcoming fashion week, so you’d never know she was ever insecure about the mark. But she was, right from her childhood. “My teenage years were especially difficult,” she remembers. “People would often assume that my
birthmark was a burn scar and tell me how weird and ugly it looked. Aunties would comment, saying what a shame it was for a beautiful girl to be born with something like this. My parents and I would be miserable.”
Mandeep’s parents took her from doctor to doctor, seeking a remedy. But nothing ever came of it. And when Mandeep decided to model for a living, friends and relatives pointed out how difficult it would be for her, with that birthmark on her neck.
“Then one day, I just stopped caring about what people say and decided to accept my mark as part of my identity,” says Mandeep. “That decision changed my life forever. I met a lot of people who told me how my mark makes me stand out from the crowd, and that boosted my confidence. And I got another major professional boost through a talent camp run by supermodel Lakshmi Rana that celebrates inclusivity in the Indian fashion industry.”
Only by celebrating ‘imperfections’ can the perception of beauty change. “It feels amazing to be among the first ones to set an example,” says Mandeep. “Learn to love yourself and embrace every imperfection you have, because perfection is a myth. True beauty lies in imperfections.” –VS
“Rock your imperfections!”
Manisha Malik, 33, Digital content creator
“I have a skin condition called vitiligo, which results in the loss of skin pigmentation,” says Manisha. “It started showing when I was about six or seven years old. I was very insecure as a teenager and I tried to cover my spots with clothes or my hair and I used to hate taking pictures.”
Manisha felt vulnerable to the comments that other people made about the colour of her skin – and there were lots of those.
“Growing up, my whole life revolved around vitiligo. I have been to more than 10 doctors. But when I was in my mid-20s, I finally realised that it wasn’t worth it. There was no guaranteed cure for it and I was wasting my time and energy in trying to find a way. It was just the colour of my skin that I was trying to change, whereas I needed to focus on so much more. So, I decided to stop seeking treatment and accepted myself the way I was,” she says.
When Manisha told her parents about her decision, they were highly supportive. “As I say in my YouTube video, no one will take a stand for you until you take a stand for yourself,” Manisha points out. “Your skin doesn’t define you; it’s a part of you. Don’t let fake beauty standards affect you either. No one on Earth is perfect. And that’s how we’re supposed to be – imperfect!
So rock your imperfections. Show them off because you’re one of a kind. In my teenage years, I hated wearing make-up because I thought, what’s the point? But now I rock a bikini with a red pout. I feel happy and liberated.” –LS
“I didn’t want anything to pull me down”
Nidhi Bagheria, 44, Entrepreneur
“I underwent surgery for cancer seven years ago, which was followed with sessions of chemotherapy,” says Nidhi. “Apart from the obvious physical trauma resulting from this, I also had to deal with the trauma of losing hair and even getting a scar on my collarbone.”
At first, Nidhi found it difficult to accept her condition and the physical and mental challenges she would have to go through because of that. “But deep down, I knew I had to fight it out by myself,” she says. “The treatment was very painful, but I had promised myself that I would overcome it all for my own sake.” Between Nidhi’s determination to be strong for herself and her family’s resolve to be strong for her, she made it through all the challenges with flying colours.
“Losing your hair definitely makes you feel a bit insecure, but I didn’t want anything to pull me down,” says Nidhi. “That’s why I got myself a beautiful wig and started going to work and meeting people. As far as my scar was concerned, I avoided wearing anything low neck and after my treatment I have worked twice as hard to push my business to new heights with collaborations.”
Now Nidhi’s message to women in similar situations is highly motivational. “Whenever you feel that you are incomplete, the only way for you to feel better is by becoming strong mentally,” she advises. “Tell yourself that you are complete in every which way, and then you can learn to defy everything. Remember that every dark night is followed by a bright day, so never give up.” –VS
“Even the moon has scars”
Raashi Rohatgi Khan, 43, Brand consultant
“In 2012, I had a near fatal road accident that led to three fractures – hairline fractures in the pelvis and ribs and a major injury in the right arm,” says Raashi, displaying a huge surgical scar on the upper side of her right arm.
Though her doctor recommended plastic surgery to remove the scar, Raashi wanted to keep it to remind herself of the good fortune of her survival. “God has given me another chance to live and enjoy life and I want this scar to remind me daily of how lucky I am. Not everyone gets a second chance,” says Raashi.
But even though it was her decision to keep the scar, she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious about her physical appearance. “I felt that everyone was staring at me and although my profession needs me to be socially active, I tried to avoid going out as far as possible. I became very sensitive about the way I dressed, totally avoiding short sleeves or any design that would make my upper arm visible. Even today, if I wear a short-sleeved top or a dress, I carry a small shrug or scarf to drape around my arms,” she says.
If it weren’t for the support and encouragement of her husband and her father, Rashi acknowledges that she may not have overcome her insecurities. “I have embraced this scar and wear it like a badge of honour now. And that’s the message I want to pass on to all women – be confident and always keep shining. Real beauty is more than skin-deep. Even the most beautiful things, such as the moon, have scars. But the moon always shines irrespectively. So never feel insecure about a mark, scar or spot. You are beautiful just the way you are and you don’t have to change a thing.” –VS
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From HT Brunch, March 7, 2021
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