Are you a toxic parent? Here are signs to look for

The profound impact of a toxic parent can be devastating. From physical and emotional weakness to destructive behaviours, the cycle takes its toll on lives.

When dealing with a toxic partner, one has the option to part ways, but what happens when the toxicity stems from a parent? A toxic parent, whether knowingly or unknowingly, has the potential to wreak havoc on their child's life. This destructive influence can manifest in physical, mental, and emotional weakness. An emotionally vulnerable child may develop an inferiority complex, leading to deep-rooted insecurities. Consequently, this cycle continues as the insecure child grows into a toxic adult, perpetuating the cycle with their own children. Insecurity breeds dependence on others or substances, fostering abusive behaviour towards oneself and others. The resulting behavioral problems have a detrimental impact on not only their own lives but also the well-being of those around them.

Toxic parents can have a devastating impact on a child's life, leading to insecurity and destructive patterns. (Freepik )

Signs of a Toxic Parent

Shiv Khera a well-known speaker, author and educator shared with HT Lifestyle, some characteristics that make a parent toxic.

1. Over-critical parent: Parents who constantly criticize their children in a negative manner lead to an inferiority complex and in turn insecurity. A parent should be like a good coach who constantly criticizes the athlete but he does it in a caring manner with the objective being to correct and not to punish.

2. Physically and emotionally abusive parent: Physical abuse goes much beyond slapping a child once in a while. Toxic parents can become both verbally and emotionally abusive, which includes belittling the child, making them feel small, or humiliating them publically and manipulating the child to achieve selfish motives. Such behaviour can be very hurtful.

3. Labeling: Many times parents label their kids as stupid, idiot, dumb, duffer, useless, etc. If a child keeps listening to such labels, he feels that because the parent knows more than he does and if the parent keeps repeating such negative labels the child believes them to be true. Labels stick for life and when the child grows up they’ll make sure to prove them right.

4. Making unfair comparisons between siblings: Many times we see parents telling their kids how come your brother is a doctor and you’re not? How come your sister is an accountant you’re not? The question is do they have to be? I think, we all agree, certain basic education is a minimum requirement for all of us regardless of our area of interest. But beyond the basics, one should be encouraged to pursue their area of interest, only then will they blossom.

5. Constant quarrels amongst parents: Where kids constantly see their parents fighting they start feeling insecure. Mature parents, even if they disagree, they don’t keep contradicting each other in front of their kids. Healthy disagreements are good but the parents should always present a united front.

6. Too strict or too lenient parents: Parents who are too strict stifle the growth of the child; they don’t let the child’s personality bloom. The child is always scared of violating the rules and shirks in punishments. Such an environment can be stressful and emotionally disturbing.

7. Too lenient parents: There are parents who are going through life as a popularity contest. They are only looking for popularity from their kids. Hence they don’t have the guts to say No to their kids. They don’t realize that discipline is an act of love. What is discipline in childhood is correction and what is discipline in adulthood is called punishment. There are only 2 relationships in life that care to correct, the world punishes. Only parents and teachers care to correct, the world punishes.

8. Overfriendly parents: Many parents take pride in saying I’m a friend to my kid. Hence go along with the kids for all their whims and desires, without giving them any direction. They need to understand that kids have enough friends. They need parents. We should give choices to our kids, but choices without direction are self-destructive.

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