Initiative can salvage your sinking relation-ship
Initiative can salvage your sinking relation-ship

Initiative can salvage your sinking relation-ship

When in a relationship, the optimist in us never wants it to go kaput, after all who wants to shed those tears of sadness and months of longing for the same company. For most of us, the crying sessions that ensue after that, deal with how we didn’t see it coming. However, if you look closely, when doubts about a relationship start to creep in, people don’t just tell their partner immediately. They give and in fact take time to figure things out. But subtle or obvious hints or signs of turmoil might just pop up in everyday conversations.
By Swati Chaturvedi
UPDATED ON MAR 08, 2021 04:46 PM IST

When in a relationship, the optimist in us never wants it to go kaput, after all who wants to shed those tears of sadness and months of longing for the same company. For most of us, the crying sessions that ensue after that, deal with how we didn’t see it coming. However, if you look closely, when doubts about a relationship start to creep in, people don’t just tell their partner immediately. They give and in fact take time to figure things out. But subtle or obvious hints or signs of turmoil might just pop up in everyday conversations.

Naina Bhardwaj, clinical psychologist, says, “The bedrock of a relationship is honest, open communication. But when your partner is not interested in telling you about important life events, the intimacy begins to fade. “

When one or both of the partners stop putting in efforts, it could very well mean, the future path isn’t that promising. Naina adds, “When every effort seems like a compromise, it is a sign of an impending break up.”

When couples stop talking and sharing ideas, the signs of affection and attraction lessen. One of the high points of a relationship is when couples laugh together, however if you’ve quit laughing together, the connection seems to be getting weak, and a breakup might be on the horizon.

If the signs are pretty much inevitable, it is better to let go, but if two people are willing to put in the necessary effort, it’s possible to salvage a relationship that is on the edge.

Vani Subramaniam, Counseling psychologist, says, “Endings don’t always have to be ugly or unkind. Our learned styles of dealing with conflict may not keep the other person in mind. We may find ourselves being disproportionately emotional/ aggressive or withdraw completely.”

She feels if an ending is in sight and both partners want to work through it, start early. Subramaniam opines, “Take responsibility for your feelings and need for space, time, dialogue or whatever feels necessary. Respect the same for your partner. There are two people in the relationship and the relationship itself and the needs for all three might be very distinct. Both partners can identify which areas they need to work on individually and where they come together. “

When someone is happy and content in a relationship for any length of time, the breakup signs are visible, but can be difficult to recognize — and even more difficult to acknowledge and admit to yourself. Bhardwaj adds, “Reflecting and introspecting on the feelings of losing interest or fading emotions could help. It’s all about self-awareness.”

To wade through the rough waters, it’s important to pay attention to little details in daily life that could offer healthy tips to go back to when there is a crisis.

Instilling confidence and optimism in all of us, Subramaniam says, “Lastly, conflict and disagreements are one part of a relationship and there are many instances in which partners have intentionally chosen to work through severe conflict and stay in the relationship. There are no formulaic answers. But discovering which one suits you best is a unique journey of reflection and takes regular practice and attention.”

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