Spotting ghostlighting: How to recognise this toxic dating trend and protect yourself

Ghostlighting is when someone manipulates your feelings while disappearing. Experts share how to spot it early and protect yourself from this toxic trend.

Ghostlighting is the subtle yet harmful dating trend where someone manipulates your feelings and perception while slowly disappearing from your life. Ravi Mittal, founder and CEO of QuackQuack, shares with HT Lifestyle the signs to watch for and shares ways to protect yourself from falling into this toxic pattern.

Ghostlighting is a harmful dating trend where individuals manipulate their partner's feelings before disappearing. (Adobe Stock)

What is ghostlighting?

It is the worst of two worlds. The trend suggests that when a person ghosts you and thinks that ghosting wasn't painful enough, they decide to take it up a notch with pro-level gaslighting, where they pretend that YOU imagined their sudden disappearance; in fact, they never even ghosted you.

In simpler terms, they first pull off the magical act of disappearing into thin air, and then come back after weeks, non-apologetic, with tons of excuses that will make you doubt whether they ever ghosted you, or was it all in your "overthinking" mind. Luckily, this trend has been recognised, named, and shamed by Gen Zs and Millennials alike.

Ghostlighting is a manipulative dating trend where individuals disappear and then gaslight their partners into doubting their memories. (Unsplash)

How to recognise?

The signs might be subtle, but Ghostlighters are not as sneaky as they believe themselves to be. The first sign is often finding yourself left on hold, and one fine day, messages start getting left unread. And the next clear sign is when, after the limbo of seen and unread, the same person suddenly messages with bangers like, "you don't text me anymore", "you never called me back", "I told you I'd be busy these days." The aim is to make you question your memory. 4 in 5 people on the receiving end of the treatment claimed these were the most important signs.

Reason behind this trend

Emotional immaturity, commitment issues, or avoidance techniques. Some people rush into getting too close and, in the end, do not feel the same spark as in the initial days. However, they lack the maturity to communicate it and choose to ghost.

How to dodge it

Trust your gut. If your instinct says something is off, it's worth checking. Keep mental notes of conversations; it sounds petty, but it will help you remind yourself that this isn't "overthinking or imagining". Finally, a good match would never leave, especially without a goodbye or proper explanation.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.