‘What if you had a time machine?’: Durjoy Datta shares touching note on why people choose parenthood despite challenges

Parenthood is no cakewalk. However, despite the challenges and sacrifices, most parents cannot imagine life without their children. Here's Durjoy Datta's take.

For many new parents, juggling childcare, household responsibilities and work while making time for each other can be overwhelming. Amid the exhaustion and constant demands of parenthood, some may even find themselves questioning whether having children was the right decision.

Indian author and screenwriter Durjoy Datta, who shares two children with his wife, Avantika Mohan, has touched upon this very dilemma. Acknowledging the moments of self-doubt that can accompany parenthood, the 39-year-old writer reflects on why, despite the challenges, most parents find it difficult to imagine a life without their children.

The privilege of choice

First, if you find yourself questioning whether having children was the right decision, Durjoy offers a gentle reminder that having the choice to become a parent in the first place is a privilege.

In an Instagram video shared on September 28, the writer highlights, “Should you have children or not? If you are asking yourself this question, consider how lucky you are to have a choice. So many people around you have kids under pressure – unwilling parents to unhappy children.”

A lifestyle upheaval

Managing life after having children is no cakewalk. For mothers, in particular, the physical and mental toll of childbirth, along with the challenges of rebuilding their fitness and adjusting to bodily changes, can feel like starting from scratch. For new parents, sleep deprivation becomes a constant struggle, and before they realise it, the demands of childcare and household chores can turn into a source of tension, with each partner keeping score of who is doing more.

“It starts with your body – the wife wanted to stay fit, but instead grew to 90. Then goes your sleep. What fool said that kids bring you closer? Instead, you will be keeping count of who stays awake longer – 'I do more,' 'No, I do.' Even if you don't like going to the office, you'll wish you could go to the office for a bit. Patriarchy survived partly because men wanted to run away – because no matter how cute kids are, they cry a lot and are very boring,” says Durjoy.

That cute apartment and travel plans? Out the window

The writer also highlights how having children can reshape your life and alter the plans you once had for yourself. From finding an apartment that is both affordable and spacious enough to accommodate a growing family to managing the mounting expenses of providing your children with a good childhood, personal ambitions and long-held dreams often take a backseat.

Durjoy points out, “As they grow older, expenses rise. A husband and wife can manage to be happy in poverty, but you want to raise your children in wealth. You won't be able to live in a cute 1BHK in the center of the city; it will be a cramped 2BHK on the outskirts. Before you know it, you'll grow old. You used to be able to travel on a budget, but not anymore.”

“What if you had a time machine? Would you have kids again?”

He continues, “Then one day, a young couple will ask you, 'What if you had a time machine? Would you go back in time and be child-free?' You'll quickly jump into that time machine and go straight back to the day you conceived your first child. But then, you'll buy Titan and Adani stocks, make one crore in trading, and decide to become parents all over again. You will return to the present and raise your children in wealth – because once you meet your children, you simply cannot live without them.”

The silver lining in Durjoy’s otherwise bleak monologue is the realisation that, given the choice to do it all over again, most parents would still choose to have children. The difference, perhaps, is that they would be better prepared, with greater financial security and more resources to raise them. After all, once parents have experienced the love and bond they share with their children, many find it difficult to imagine a life without them.