Witerati: Resolutions, abort and tweet
Bhansali’s 2018 resolution is his future flicks will rhyme with ‘Padmavat’ as a tribute to the censor and censure, like ‘Giravat’, Milavat’ or “Baghavat’Updated: Jan 06, 2018 22:15 IST
New Year resolutions are old hat and all that. Most Tweeple honour resolutions more in the breaking than in the making. Yet, old habits die hard, and certain celebs can’t help but contemplate resolutions for 2018, so as not to repeat the misadventures of 2017. Top 5 resolutions of 2018:
Hum Bill De Chuke Sanam
After 2017 showed that many a fanatic man’s gain is another man’s ban(e), Sanjay Leela Bhansali sure has pledges for 2018.
Having learnt the lesson that the name of the game is ‘no creative license to thrill’, he has vowed never to make a historical magnum opus or release its trailer with such frill. In 2018, he’s resolved to switch to action thrillers or remakes on the lines of Ram Gopal Varma, Anurag Kashyap & Co:
‘Sarkar 5’ (Inspired by the 5 sarkari cuts of CBFC)
‘Gangs of Gussa-pour’ (Cinematic replay of Karni Sena’s rampage)
‘Baghavat’, ‘Giravat’, ‘Milavat’ or ‘Leelavat’ (Inspired by this “leela” of censor, censure and creative curtailment, these are future titles he’s toying with. The name chopping of ‘Padmavati’ to ‘Padmavat’ spurred him to resolve that his future flicks will be spelt with similar suffix, for some rhyme or t-reason).
Any guesses who could be inspiring his next biopic, ‘Mayawat’ ?!
Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
After staging 2017’s perfect media coup, the hottest poster boy ‘n’ girl for frilly firang destination wedding, Virushka have resolved to add a vocation to their 2018 job profile: wedding planners.
They will advice aspiring brides and grooms on how to have destination weddings in breezy exotic locales without the paparazzi getting wind of it.
Topping their 2018 client list are: Royal couple-to-be Prince Harry and Meghan Markle; Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh; Sonam Kapoor and Anand Ahuja.
The name of their foreign ‘Band Baja Baraat’ consultancy: Ae Frill Hai Mushkil !
Hate Story 2018
Hrithik and Kangana are in private talks to seal a deal for a joint media strategy to air their spat in public in 2018. They have resolved that when they suffer a compelling itch to box each other dead, they will re-channelise their hate to chosen rival channels on the idiot box.
Meanwhile, miffed by their media feud, Papa Roshan’s resolved to float own TV channel: Baap ki Adalat.
On the advice of lung specialists, fabled loudmouth of Indian telly Arnab Goswami has resolved to go easy on his garrulous gab in 2018.
To lower the decibel levels of regurgitating vocal organs of his constitution, this year he’ll enrol for crash courses in dumb charades. For the sake of the Republic, he shall uphold the “constitutional” rights of his vocal chords and his listeners’ ear-lobes to earn respite.
The news on his channel will henceforth be rechristened: Braking News.
Long and short of it
With Tharoor memes having swamped Twitter in 2017, Shashi Tharoor’s was a case of not dime a dozen, but meme or mime a dozen.
To give trolls new food for thought in 2018, Tharoor has resolved to furrow forth further into Queen’s English to furnish a felicitous farrago of favourite long-ish Shashisms in the form of a fresh dictionary. Any guesses what the new dictionary would be titled?
LongMan Dictionary of Shashisms.
(Statutory warning: Most resolutions come with an expiry date: 01.01.18)
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