What keeps us together

The life threatening nature of the virus, has made us realise the relationships that are worth it, and made us value it

At this stage, we have all become strongly aware of the ramifications of the ongoing pandemic – at the personal, social, and economic level. And, one of the most glaring, and rather disturbing, effects is that of couples seeking divorce after they realised they just couldn’t stand each other, or in some cases having gone through domestic violence, during the lockdown.

This pandemic has helped us understand how to be positive and hopeful by bonding and sharing with our friends and family (Photo: Istock; for representational purposes only)

However, the lockdown has also had some positive effects on relationships. The life threatening nature of the virus, has made us realise the relationships that are worth it, and made us value it.

Craig Fernandes, 26, says his relationship with his father has improved over the last month. From barely exchanging two sentences to playing chess for hours, Craig says, “I never had, or rather made, time for him before. My dad is 68 and, pandemic or not, I have now realised that I have limited time left with him.” Whether we accept it or not, it has made us leave all our inhibitions and reach out to those we love more often, be it our parents, siblings, or friends.

Kavita Mungi, mental health counsellor, says a crisis is a “test to human resilience”. “This pandemic has helped us understand how to be positive and hopeful by bonding and sharing with our friends and family. Moreover, the Indian family structure of joint families is a boon, as loneliness can be tough at such times,” adds Mungi.

When it comes to couples however, it is never an easy understanding of the dynamics of a relationship. “When the news of the coronavirus invading our world got closer and louder, a lot of couples fought and fought hard. In the first couple of weeks, my phone rang and buzzed with texts for not just distress appointments but also for divorce lawyer numbers! But once we acclimatise to the new direction, we become open to looking around, learning, and adapting,” says Dr Shwetambara Sabharwal, clinical psychologist and relationship counsellor.

Elaborating on the differences she has noticed in the couples’ behaviour, Sabharwal says, “With this colossal threat of losing everything, close at our doorsteps, we have realized that our partners are who we problem-solve with, make decisions with, fight this threat with, they are our pillar of support. The life-threatening nature of the virus has made us question our egos, grandiosity, expectations, lifestyles, and needs, making us more humble and aware of the real sources of happiness.”