Malavika’s Mumbaistan: A Dummy’s Guide To Politics

Following BJP candidate from Gurdaspur Sunny Deol’s recent statement that he is not aware of the Balakot strikes, we thought it might be the right time to offer

Following BJP candidate from Gurdaspur Sunny Deol’s recent statement that he is not aware of the Balakot strikes, we thought it might be the right time to offer our ingénue Bollywood stars, who are new to politics, a dummy’s guide to political correctness in this election season. After all, a dhobi list of the gaffes, foot-in-the-mouth pronouncements and general goof ups of our reel life heroes and heroines is a long and wondrous one. From TMC’s Moon Moon Sen, who recently feigned ignorance of the violence in her constituency because she had not been woken up on time with her bed tea to Deol’s own relative in the BJP ranks Hema Malini, who had come under attack a few years ago, when she’d blithely posted pictures of herself at an ongoing film shoot, even as violent clashes had ripped through her constituency leaving 24 dead; to Congress leader Raj Babbar’s assertion that he could have a “full meal at ₹12”, the instances of Bollywood’s blunders in the political arena have been a rich and wondrous thing. So, in order to avoid such instances in the future, here are a few pointers for our stars on political correctness:
*When you read that Priyanka had made heads turn with her camp outfit at the MET, do not get confused and think that this is what people mean when they say ‘Priyanka campaigned in Delhi’. It does not mean that she wore a grey and pink Dior gown with pink eyelashes and white eyeliner to do so. They are two completely different people and two entirely different things.

Sunny Deol (ANI Photo)

*Calling someone an ‘incumbent’ is not an insult and only refers to a person in office. It is not a variation of the word ‘kambakht’.

*Majority Whip refers to the person who rounds up votes for the majority party and is not something that Mogambo used to wield to frighten his henchmen.

*A ‘rider’ is an informal term for an amendment or provision that is not relevant to the legislation where it is attached, and does not, in any way, refer to a junior artist on a horse.

*Mamata is the name of a fierce and feisty and much respected chief minister of West Bengal and not the first name of an actress who worked in movies like Karan Arjun, Sabse Bada Khiladi and who subsequently married a UAE drug lord.

And last but not the least, remember, that when you are invited to join a ‘party’, in political terms it only means a conglomeration of members who adhere to a particular manifesto. Do not under any circumstance assume it is an evening of booze and babes and sharab and kebab and show up accordingly.

This should do for now, we hope.

Tickling Their Funny Bone

Ahmed Javed, former Mumbai Police Commissioner (extreme left) and Deven Bharti, Joint Commissioner of Police (EOW) with the Mumbai Police social media team.

In the age of social media, it is heartening to see how some government and bureaucratic departments have managed to up their IT quotient and embrace Twitter and Instagram, responding, engaging with the public and creating awareness and content. But easily, the wittiest account across social networks is the official Twitter account of the Mumbai Police. Launched in December 2015, it is said to be the brainchild of Javed Ahmed, former Commissioner of Mumbai police, who, along with Deven Bharti, Joint Commissioner of Police (EOW), set the ball rolling. Since then, it has amassed 4.7 million followers and has been somewhat of a brand factory of viral tweets, displaying subtle humour when dealing with complex issues. The most recent example took place yesterday when the Mumbai Police’s official twitter handle tweeted a video from the semi-final football match of Tuesday night’s Champions League match between Liverpool and Barcelona, in which, Barcelona switched off for a momentary second, awarding the underdog Liverpool to score a quick goal and win the match. “Be it the road to a final, or way back home - being distracted cost dear even to the mightiest. It can cost you dearly too.” read the tweet, which received over 6,000 likes and was retweeted over 2,000 times. Twitter users came out in large numbers to praise the department’s wit.
Nice!

Overheard
“I finally figured out what the MET Gala is all about: a day in the life of Ranveer Singh.”
- Popular meme going around this week

Bling Bling

Payal Shah

Word comes in that Deepika, Priyanka and co. are not the only ones to have represented India at the MET Gala in New York earlier this week. We are informed that another Indian has much reason to celebrate. Payal Shah, the 20-something-year-old jewellery designer, who divides her time between Mumbai and Hong Kong, is said to have designed a diamond bracelet as part of the much-talked about look of singer Nick Jonas (who was said to be adorned in jewellery amounting to USD 100,000 on the occasion). Payal, winner of the ‘Miss Jewellery Hong Kong’ in 2011, and a prominent face on Mumbai’s social set shared the news and her jubilation.

Nick Jonas (AFP)

“YESSSSSSS! The gorgeous @NickJonas in my jewellery at the #MetGala2019. The @LDezen ‘Seria’ stretchy bracelets are unisex and you can see this man rocking them fabulously!” Incidentally, this is not her only international red carpet appearance. A list of celebrities like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and Mary J Blige having worn her pieces for mega outings, in the past. “I love that I get to design beautiful jewellery for beautiful artists that I listen to and [who] are so talented. The MET is every designer’s dream and makes this job so much more worthwhile for me,” she shared on social media.