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Are you cheating and doubting your partner?

As a survey concludes that people who cheat themselves are more likely to doubt their partners, we find out why this happens, and what a person at the receiving end should do

sex and relationships Updated: Oct 06, 2016 08:41 IST
Collin Rodrigues
Collin Rodrigues
Hindustan Times
People’s propensity to cheating is directly proportional to their suspicion on their partners, according to a new study(iStock)


People in relationships usually trust each other, and often don’t think their partner would ever cheat on them. In the absence of unusual behaviour, people rarely doubt their partners. Sadly, stories of cheating spouses aren’t in short supply.

According to a study conducted by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people care a lot about infidelity, but rarely discuss it with their partners. Around 200 people participated in the survey, out of which, 9% admitted to cheating on their partners. In fact, people who admitted to cheating said they had cheated twice as much as they thought their partners would have. In other words, people’s propensity to cheating is directly proportional to their suspicion on their partners.

It’s a vicious cycle

Infidelity monitor

Bankers Naman Berry* (33), and Nalini Malhotra* (28) got married in 2012, but just months before their wedding, Berry found out that Malhotra was cheating on him, as she was involved with her ex-boyfriend. Malhotra eventually convinced her fiancé that they were just friends. Berry agreed to go ahead with the wedding on the condition that she will not keep any contact with her ex-boyfriend. The couple got married three months later.

Soon after their marriage, though, Malhotra started putting restrictions on Berry, as she feared he may cheat on her. She stopped him from talking to his female friends, started monitoring his phone and stopped him from talking to his female work colleagues after office hours. Berry thought she was doing it out of concern for their relationship, but he was wrong.

He says, “One day, I came home early without telling my wife and saw a chat window on her Gmail account. When I asked her who she was talking to, she said it was a friend. I then asked her if I could log her out of her account, as I wanted to log in, and that was when I saw her ex boyfriend’s name on the chat window. I was shocked to read their intimate chats.” Berry decided to divorce Malhotra.

Win back your partner

Separation may not always be the answer to such situations, but there are ways to deal with such people. Relationship expert, Shyam Mithiya, says a person at the receiving end, in such relationship, should hear his or her partner out. “If your partner is cheating on you, and is also suspicious of you, there isn’t much you can do to find out the truth, as you will already be burdened with many restrictions. That said, you should tackle such a situation with an open mind. If your partner is overdoing it, take professional help. Maybe the truth will come out then.”

But what do you do when you realise that your partner, who was suspecting you all this while, is cheating on you? Relationship counsellor, Mary Varghese, says in such situations you need to win back your partner with caution. She says, “Once you find out that your partner is cheating on you, make him or her realise how much you have suffered in spite of all your love and dedication. Say that you are willing to forgive, and start all over again. But you should also find out if they want to continue with the relationship.”

(*name changed on request)

First Published: Oct 06, 2016 08:39 IST