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Live-in ke side effects

If you thought living-in with your partner was a smooth sailing affair, think again. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Himadree does a reality check.
Hindustan Times | By Himadree, New Dlehi
UPDATED ON JUN 20, 2009 06:08 PM IST

Every relationship has its ups and downs. But for live-in couples, the going can be tougher than usual. Keeping the truth about their live-in relationship from their family is one of the biggest causes of problems between couples.

Minisha Tamang, 25, who was in a live-in relationship for two-and-a-half years, recalls, “Every time either of our folks came, we had to arrange to shift his or my things to one of our friends’ place. It left us so frustrated that we finally called it quits. He didn’t even have the guts to reveal about us to his parents, so what was the point of keeping it [relationship] going?”

Parul lost all her earnings, as well as the support of her family, to a guy she calls a “loser, who lived off my money.” Not having her boyfriend’s family by her side made matters worse. “I couldn’t even go up to his parents and tell them the bitter truth about their son,” she says.

Life became difficult for Sahana Zahan, 28, a guest lecturer. With a possessive boyfriend, she had to say ‘goodbye’ to all her friends, and finally when they broke up she didn’t have anyone to turn to.

Another potential stumbling block for a couple is that they don’t enjoy all the rights a married couple would. 28-year-old Amisha recounts how, after living with her boyfriend for two years, he left with the car she’d bought for him as a gift — on a loan. She spent four years paying off the loan on ‘his car’. She says angrily, “Had we been married, a divorce settlement would have eased the [financial] burden…He took me for a ride, and I was a willing passenger, fool enough to believe his innocent promise that he will pay it off one day.” So, next time you think of moving in with your boyfriend, think hard and think twice.

To make a live-in relationship work, lifestyle pundits share some tips:

You can always sign-up for a live-in agreement with the help of a family lawyer. Ensure that the agreement clearly states how you will deal with the finances together.

Go for couple education classes, if possible.

Know your rights. As per the 2005 Act of Protection of Women from Domestic Violence, a girl is always entitled to lodge a case against her partner if she faces abuse.

Don’t ever hush up if you are feeling angry. Free vent of emotion is very important and that’s where communication plays the most important role.

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