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Question of faith

When your partner cheats on you, it is important to figure out if it's a one-night stand or a long-standing affair, writes Aruna Rathod.

sex and relationships Updated: Jan 09, 2009 18:23 IST
Aruna Rathod

When Gayatri realised that her husband was attracted to his office colleague, she was jealous, but couldn’t do anything about it.

Finally, she confronted him when he went out with her a couple of times. He admitted to an ‘affair’ with his colleague.. and in the same breath also assured Gayatri that he loved her.

Gayatri was upset. She cried all night because she loved him and couldn’t bear the thought of another woman in his life. Depression, anger, anxiety and self-blame followed. She was plagued by many questions. Wasn’t he attracted to her any more? Wasn’t she desirable any more? The thought of life without him was unbearable.

Straying woman
A few weeks later, she suddenly felt he was very caring and loving. That was enough to win her over. She forgave him. And what happens when a man finds out that his wife is unfaithful? “Initially men don’t want to accept this. But when they do, it is equally traumatising for them,” says clinical psychologist.

If such a situation arises, then one must think rationally and find out how many times the partner has been unfaithful. Was it just a one-night stand or is it a long-standing affair?

Childhood sweetheart
The partner who has been wronged must consider certain issues — what sort of a person he or she is. Is he or she a good father or mother?

Hingorrany continues, “If the person does nothing for the partner’s self-esteem, then one can call off the relationship. One must weigh the pros and cons before taking drastic steps.”

Shekhar belonged to a middle-class family. He married his childhood sweetheart, who was very well off. After some years, she met up with her rich college friends and came close to one of the guys. Soon, she had an extra-
marital affair.

Forgive and forget
Shekhar reveals, “She spent a lot of time with him. This went on for years. Although it hurt, I divorced her.”

But extra-marital affairs don’t necessarily end in divorce. Hingorrany explains, “A marriage can survive infidelity. Once the affair is discovered and things cool off, the couple can think straight and sort things out. “

The partner who strayed should make an attempt to seal the crack in the relationship. The couple must adopt a positive attitude and relive their happy moments.

Perhaps they could go for another honeymoon and forgive and forget. However, it does take time for the trust and confidence to build up once more.