Seriously Cyrus: Guarantee kills romance; love is not a maths class

Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on love, relationships and more.
Things can’t be going fine. If you are losing interest.(Unsplash)
Things can’t be going fine. If you are losing interest.(Unsplash)
Updated on Sep 17, 2019 09:04 AM IST
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Hindustan Times | ByCyrus Broacha

I am a 25-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a senior in office for the last one year. Things are going fine but somehow I think I’m losing my interest in this relationship. What do you think should I do? - FT

FT, what you have just said is a paradox in terms. Mutually exclusive, and completely incompatible. Things can’t be going fine. If you are losing interest. That’s like saying the bridge is coming out fine, even though it keeps crumbling. Also if things were really fine, why would you write in to the world’s least productive column? The Greek King Lescrates of Sparta, used a simple technique when he wanted to swim. He’d take off his clothes. If he was near a water body, he’d swim. If not, he’d go for a casual walk. Are you looking forward to interacting with her, or are you finding reasons to avoid her? It is that simple. Also being in the same office may mean spending too much time together. Try and get away from her for a few days, then see how you feel.

I am a 32-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a guy who is 27. I am looking to get married now, but I don’t know if he’s ready for it. What should I do? - DP

Yes, it would be better if we could use Litmus paper to get a result. Blue means he likes you. Red means it’s a no, no. And if nothing happens to the litmus paper, then no one should marry him. Isaac Newton, or somebody like him said, ‘Every action has an equal and opposite reaction’. This is based on an experiment, where he accidently stepped on his wife’s foot. She used the same foot to kick him in the head, and spent the rest of the evening cursing his mother. So, in a sense, DP, when you propose to him, if you get an equal reaction, great. If not then his passion for you is neither equal nor opposite. It’s just less. In the present environment the question you simply need to ask him is, ‘How’s the Josh’?

I am a 26-year-old guy and I’ve been single for almost four years now. However, my friends keep insisting on trying out some of the dating apps. Before I join these apps, I wanted to know how do I get to know a person when I’m speaking to her over just messages? - GJ

Arrey baba GJ, I’ve been screaming about this, for 200 years, forget messages, you don’t know a person, even after 30 years of marriage. It’s a lot like the share market. There is no guarantee. Poetry and music is filled with lines like, ‘Your not who I thought you were’, or ‘How you’ve changed’ or ‘Baby Baby Baby’. Okay, please ignore the last one. Why do you need a 100% guarantee anyway. Guarantees kill romance. Love is not a math class. For one thing, math class cost much more, and generally have too many males in it. With the apps, you can only hope for the best. I say aim really low. Just wish that the person you are chatting with is indeed female. Everything after that is a bonus. And stop looking for guarantees.

I am a 24-year-old guy and I’ve been talking to a friend from college and we are getting to know each other better now. However, I want to know if she is thinking of getting into a relationship with me. What should I do? - RP

Er………not ask me, ask her, to begin with. Okay that may be too bold. So, I’ll ask you a question, which you mustn’t answer loudly. When you purchase a car, don’t you research it thoroughly? Mileage, fuel injection, interiors, features, power, colour, discount…..why can’t you apply the same thorough research to your love life? However, a word of advice, never ask for discounts in love affairs. That may come at a very heavy price. RP, all you got to do is research her body language, her intensity, her interest and above all her energy level around you. The Chinese called it, Chi, which in Hindustani means ‘Yuck’. But, do not get confused. Around you, does her blood seem to rush? Does her heart rate beat faster? If you have to, get medical tests done. Research and knowledge is everything. The time to study has come.

Got a question? just write to uncle Cy: And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

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Wednesday, December 08, 2021