Seriously Cyrus: Is the salad worth the forbidden fruit?
Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on love, relationships and more.
I am a 21-year-old guy and I have a boyfriend who is 37 years old. He is not only married but has two pre-teen kids. My best friend says that this is all wrong because my boyfriend is cheating on his wife with me. We are in a relationship for two months now and are madly in love with each other. What should I do? — AK
Well, I’ve got good news and bad news AK. The good news is your sexual preference is of no consequence in this case. Ever since Article 377, Para 2, Clause IVa, Line 3 and 3.5 was repealed, the same sex issue doesn’t arise. But you know how sometimes good news can also be bad news? Like when you eat your favourite paper dosa, only to find it had too much paper in it and consequently led you to have a stomach ache? Well here’s a bit of the same. Same-sex partners are fine, but cheating is still cheating.
A no-no looked down upon. Frowned upon. Not to mention a logistical nightmare. In fact, cheating today is like being in the opposition. It sets you up for plenty of harassment. You need to get your boyfriend to explain his stance for the future. With respect to his wife and kids, and where you stand in his ‘village’ of love. Homosexual or heterosexual, when the ball pitches outside the off stump, it’s best to leave it alone.
I am a 35-year-old woman and I am happily married with a child. Because of my job, I keep shuttling to different cities and now, I have a major crush on my senior colleague. I am really happy with my husband, but somehow my fantasy takes me back to the colleague and he reciprocates, too. I have told this to my husband and he says that it is common and happens to everyone. However, I want to be focused only on my family. How should I control my infatuation? — MV
Babar the Mughal, actually paved the way for all this with his winter palace. He kept a summer palace in Agra. A winter palace in Kashmir, and a palace which was loosely called the ‘4 Seasons’, in far away Fargana. Babur’s idea was to keep one wife in Agra, and another, secretly in Kashmir. Then one day he woke up and had a revelation. He realized he was the King and did not have to answer to anybody.
He could have as many wives and palaces as he wanted. But by then he had lost interest in wives, and only wanted more palaces. If you really want to focus on your family, you have your answer. Luckily your husband has handled all this well. Please remember you not Barbur. Is the salad worth the forbidden fruit?
I am a 37-year-old lady and my husband and I recently went to visit my cousin sister who stays abroad. However, things went downhill when my sister complained that my husband is misbehaving with her. I apologised to her but now she has literally cut ties with me. What should I do? — AS
AS, it looks like you did not pay attention in school. Tell me which were the tough ones? Laws of refraction? Cos Sine Teta? Quadratic equations? The Iambic pentameter? AS, I feel like adding an extra 5 to your name. Okay too much? I apologise. But AS, can’t you see, the problem isn’t your sister? The problem is that furry, smelly animal you adopted called your ‘husband’.
You can’t apologise to her, ‘for’ him. He has to be punished, and he has to be seen to be punished. In 13th Century China, he’d have had 4 fingers cut off. Which is better than modern Yemen, who would chop 5? I’m not saying divorce. But throw him out of the house for a month, or make him wear a shirt saying ‘perpetual cheat’, take some action, so your sister feels vindicated. C’mon it’s easier than the laws of refraction.
I am a 27-year-old guy and I am in a relationship with a girl for the past five years. These days, there are a lot of misunderstandings creeping in and we don’t really like to fight all the time. We wanted to sit down and sort things out but the whole dynamics have already changed. How should we get back on track? — VB
VB, Henry Ford’s brother also called Henry Ford, wrote a book about car maintenance, called “Maintaining a car”. Here he spoke of the 4 stages of owning a car. (a) Stage one, borrow money from brother to buy a car. (b) Drive the car at a very low pace for six months while the governor is still on. (c) Race the car around town abusing pedestrians. (d) Get someone else to parallel park the car. VB, what’s good for cars is the same with spouses. You begin slowly, reach a frenzy and then need to find a middle point. Most relationships end after 5 years. (Except of course the B.J.P.’s with us). You are in the contentious period when you have to find a middle area, for comfort. This is best done, by not focusing on all things negative in the relationship. But never work too ‘hard in relationships’. Let it take its own course. If you are fighting too much, may be you don’t like each other enough. In that case please visit your nearest car dealer soon.