Torn apart

Some of us unwittingly belong to the category - couples who no longer care for each other. Priya Sarukkai Chabria tells more.

All of us have seen them, perhaps some of us unwittingly even belong to the same category — couples who no longer care for each other.

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Alternatively, some remain couples only because of the institution of marriage. Their relationship is no longer bound by commitment, caring and mutual respect.

Yet once, when they were newly married, surely they too were brimming with youthful dreams — of happiness together, a full family life, a vital connection with each other, and the desire that somehow their shared life must be better than those of their parents, neighbours and relatives; that they were special.

Sense of hopelessness.

But down the years, this somehow did not carry through. Or, did they let their dreams just die? Is the inexorable progress of life to be held responsible for this state of affairs?

The reasons are always numerous and varied. The ‘why’ cannot be nailed down to a specific period in their lives, or a trait in the other that they found unsupportable. We’re always left with approximations, large uncertainties, and areas of doubt when judging others.

The couple become the people they are now gradually, and incurably; they drifted apart like old continents go adrift, slowly torn apart by fissures that spewed the secret venom of old customs and habit, estranged by the same tired arguments and possibly, by a creeping sense of hopelessness.

Drifting apart

They drift alone and wearily through the routine high and low tide that washes over their lives. But often, neither the man nor the woman remembers, nor indeed wishes to recall, what caused them to drift apart, in waters that get shallower and sand encrusted as the days speed by.

Perhaps they settle for, or substitute this lack in their relationship with other things — focus on their children, duty towards each other and their work.

And, over the years, these substitutes become the only link through which the couple communicate to each other.

(The writer’s website is www.priyawriting.com)If any guests drop by unexpectedly, she can give them tea, snacks and even cook them a meal. It’s as much her home as mine.