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Monday, Oct 21, 2019

Are We Ready to Fight an Army of Minotaurs?

BREAKING: Himmesh Reshammiya patches up with his astrologer! Chinese cows to produce human breast milk! Taliban fighter makes love to a donkey! Rahul Roushan brings you all the earth-shattering news you missed during the Ramdev-Anna deluge.

brunch Updated: Jun 16, 2011 14:23 IST
Rahul Roushan
Rahul Roushan
Hindustan Times

While the whole country was hooked on to the political developments and debate around anti-corruption fast by Baba Ramdev and the subsequent drama, there have been some very important news items, with potential of having far reaching impact on most of us, which have gone completely unnoticed. I’d list a few of them and you can imagine what has been happening in the parallel world.

One development that warranted being in the national headlines was the news of Himmesh Reshammiya patching up with his astrologer. Now anything related to Himmesh undoubtedly impacts our lives, especially our sensory organs, but this news is particularly important because this is the same astrologer who had predicted “Aap Ka Suroor”, the first movie of Himmesh as an actor, to be a box-office hit, and he proved to be right.

Somehow both of them parted ways afterwards and suspiciously all the movies of Himmesh also flopped. Now Himmesh has gone back to his guru to make sure his next movie, which could release on the same day as SRK’s Ra.One, is a hit.

The media shouldn’t have ignored this development. You never know. With SRK not in the good books of Baba’s and Dada’s supporters, it might well happen that these supporters decide to buy tickets of Himmesh’s movie over SRK’s as a form of protest and his astrologer is proved right again. You can imagine the outcome.

Another disturbing news is from China where scientists are trying to genetically modify cows to produce human breast milk. They are creating “special breed” of cows by mixing human genes in them and aim to sell this special milk in supermarkets in three years.

Now frankly I don’t trust these Chinese guys. I’ve huge reservations believing that they just want to create more nutritious milk. More than some kind of milk, I see it as an attempt by the Chinese here to raise an army of Minotaurs – those half-bull half-human creatures that you have seen in Narnia movies – by fusing bovine and human genes.

My suspicion on China trying to create Minotaurs was further emboldened when I read another piece of disturbing news about a video clip being circulated that allegedly shows a Taliban fighter having sex with a donkey. Apparently this video was shot by the US forces while they were deployed in Afghanistan. Shows how serious they were about finding Osama, but that’s another story.

I’m pretty sure that there is a China-ISI hand in this Taliban-donkey lovemaking. While China is trying to fuse human genes with animals through scientific means, they have outsourced such ‘alternative’ means to Taliban.

It doesn’t’ matter whether success comes first to the Chinese or to the Taliban, ultimately it’s us Indians who will have to suffer, why is the government and media ignoring this?

And yeah, there is some one-day cricket going on somewhere too. This is the first series that India is playing after being crowned world champions. Anyone watching?

(Rahul Roushan aka Pagal Patrakar is the editor of the leading Indian news satire website Faking News. You can connect with him on Twitter and on Facebook)

- From HT Brunch, June 5

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First Published: Jun 09, 2011 12:53 IST

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