The Fake Jhunjhunwala decodes the diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers (read: confusing the f**k out of them). Here's more on it.brunch Updated: May 11, 2011 15:02 IST
I invest in the markets, everybody knows that. Therefore I'm involved in Market-ing...right.But there are many other people out there who are involved in a completely different type of marketing. One that involves the process of confusing the FU*K out of the customer so that she/he ends up buying something he thinks he needs but doesn't actually require.
The diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers is astonishingly beautiful. I would know! I've invested money in many companies who know how to market a product.
For example - if you want to sell SH*T, then you must convince the buyer that what he/she is buying is not crap but high quality fertilizer instead.
Similarly, take a look at the effect of MARKETINGIZING (Yes, Marketingizing. I am a Great Man, I invent whatever words I want) some commonly heard words:
Carpenter = Wood Technician
Shampoo = Enhanced Hair Beautifying System
Bathtub = Life Sized Body Immersion Bowl
Osama Bin Laden = Pro Taliban Twin Towers Deconstruction Specialist
Bribery = Interactive Work Facilitation Money Exchange Service
Murderer= Life Extractor
Size Zero = Nil Fat Malnutrition Ambassador
High Fat Foods = Large Calorie Dietary Intake
Marijuana = Environment Friendly Mood Enhancing Leaf Supplement
Pritam = Open Source Music Download Enthusiast/Composer
Breast Implants= Silicone Reinforced Mammary Gland Rib Enclosure
Rajnikant Ka Baap = Pranav Dixit
Credit Card = Plastic-Made Alphanumeric Machine Readable Money Removal Device
Akshay Kumar= Acrobatic Thums Up Retrieval Cine Artist
Uday Chopra = Uday Chopra [Uday Chopra Is Unique, He Cannot Be Described, Hence the Only Term Applicable to This Extraordinary Talent is His Own Name]
Golmaal Film Series= Tusshar Kapoor Employment Scheme aka Tusshar Kapoor Kaam Yojana Abhyan
Zoozoo= Egg Headed Vodafone Promotion Humanoid
Emraan Hashmi = Lip To Lip Saliva Exchange Professional
Awesomely Humble Supremely Sexy Fantastic Superstrong Ultra Rich Ginormously Strong Mega Entity = JHUNJHUNWALA
The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream,Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.
His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/
He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala