Marketingizing | brunch | Hindustan Times
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The Fake Jhunjhunwala decodes the diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers (read: confusing the f**k out of them). Here's more on it.

brunch Updated: May 11, 2011 15:02 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala

I invest in the markets, everybody knows that. Therefore I'm involved in Market-ing...right.

But there are many other people out there who are involved in a completely different type of marketing. One that involves the process of confusing the FU*K out of the customer so that she/he ends up buying something he thinks he needs but doesn't actually require.

The diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers is astonishingly beautiful. I would know! I've invested money in many companies who know how to market a product.

For example - if you want to sell SH*T, then you must convince the buyer that what he/she is buying is not crap but high quality fertilizer instead.

Similarly, take a look at the effect of MARKETINGIZING (Yes, Marketingizing. I am a Great Man, I invent whatever words I want) some commonly heard words:

Carpenter = Wood Technician

Shampoo = Enhanced Hair Beautifying System

Bathtub = Life Sized Body Immersion Bowl

Osama Bin Laden = Pro Taliban Twin Towers Deconstruction Specialist

Bribery = Interactive Work Facilitation Money Exchange Service

Murderer= Life Extractor

ZoozooSize Zero = Nil Fat Malnutrition Ambassador

High Fat Foods = Large Calorie Dietary Intake

Marijuana = Environment Friendly Mood Enhancing Leaf Supplement

Pritam = Open Source Music Download Enthusiast/Composer

Breast Implants= Silicone Reinforced Mammary Gland Rib Enclosure

Rajnikant Ka Baap = Pranav Dixit

Credit Card = Plastic-Made Alphanumeric Machine Readable Money Removal Device

Akshay Kumar= Acrobatic Thums Up Retrieval Cine Artist

Uday Chopra = Uday Chopra [Uday Chopra Is Unique, He Cannot Be Described, Hence the Only Term Applicable to This Extraordinary Talent is His Own Name]

Golmaal Film Series= Tusshar Kapoor Employment Scheme aka Tusshar Kapoor Kaam Yojana Abhyan

Zoozoo= Egg Headed Vodafone Promotion Humanoid

Emraan Hashmi = Lip To Lip Saliva Exchange Professional

And finally,

Awesomely Humble Supremely Sexy Fantastic Superstrong Ultra Rich Ginormously Strong Mega Entity = JHUNJHUNWALA

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream,
Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at