Stand up for yourself for you stand for all women

We might spot a few women wearing flamboyant clothes, carrying designer bags or driving a flashy car but that is not empowerment. Ask them, how many of them have been able to make crucial decisions regarding their education, finances, marriage, children or housing, writes Nazam Riar

I would love to see this world through rose-tinted glasses as I am a fan of a utopian society since childhood. But as you grow older, you begin to look at this brutal world cynically. If you are a woman, the world is little more unforgiving. No, it is not about feminism but more about equality that women are still deprived of despite the fact they have proven their mettle in every field.

A woman is much more than her face, body and what’s cooking but most women are forced to live their lives in either kitchens or closets. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A woman is much more than her face, body and what’s cooking but most women are forced to live their lives in either kitchens or closets. A woman has no right over her body, mind or soul; she is completely controlled by patriarchal dictums and hardwired to believe that she is guilty of a crime if she puts herself before others. If she is left with any energy after tending to everybody else’s needs she may be allowed to step out of the house to do a little job for mending her own soul or chasing her long overlooked dreams.

Most of my female colleagues wake up between 4am and 5am to finish their household chores before any other family member gets up, cook meals for their families that include breakfast and fixing the lunch or tiffin of their other half, kids, and in-laws before reaching office at 9am. The grind resumes when they reach home at 7pm after a hectic day at work, at times going through problems with their colleagues, facing gaslighting by their co-workers, listening to sexist comments and worse maybe harassment by their male counterparts. At parties, in drawing room discussions or corporate meetings, a woman cannot be opinionated. It raises eyebrows if she makes a statement about world politics, public policies or financial stability. She is judged for every move, being outspoken or coy, thick or thin, sober or drunk, working or homemaker, married or divorced, having a child early, late or not having a child, Plain Jane or fashionista. The list is non-exhaustive. She needs to be educated to be financially independent and also taught at an early stage that ‘no’ is a complete sentence. Period.

We might spot a few women wearing flamboyant clothes, carrying designer bags or driving a flashy car but that is not empowerment. Ask them, how many of them have been able to make crucial decisions regarding their education, finances, investments, marriage, children or housing in the last 10 years. The answers will shock us.

A few of my non-working friends have to request money from their husbands for a coffee date with their girlfriends. A friend married in an influential business family confessed that she has to demand money from her other half to have golgappas! A school friend did not eat at a contributory luncheon as she survived on the pocket money her wealthy husband frugally sanctioned to her.

All these anecdotes bring tears to my eyes as I type them but then American civil rights activist Maya Angelou’s words give me courage: “Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”

The writer is a Hoshiarpur-based personality development trainer and can be reached at nazam81@gmail.com.