Witerati | Navratri notes for new normal

The Navratri virtual has become the new normal with Pujo and Navratri revelry migrating from Shastri Market or Sarojini Nagar, Chandini Chowk or Connaught Place hysteria to Cyberia.

There was a time when Navratri, Dashami or Durga Pujo were heralded by the blink-blink.

Come unlock, and for us tweeple, it may also be a time to unlock another newness called the nine-fold new normal Navratri wish-list. (PTI)

The blinking and batting of eyelids at the bedecking of marketplaces and mela grounds. The blink-blink at the rolling out of Ravanas and Durga idols by the fabled potters of Kumartuli from Bengal at the Parade Grounds or Pujo pandals.

Come the digital age, and one comes to know that the fall festivals are round the corner thanks to the bleep-bleep. The alerts that begin to beep ‘n’ bleat on one’s smartphones and iPhones. At most times, phoney alerts. At most times, annoying alerts.

So far so good, until along came the pandemic, and it changed much of that.

The Pujo and Navratri revelry “migrated” from Shastri Market or Sarojini Nagar, Chandini Chowk or Connaught Place hysteria to Cyberia.

Navratri virtual became the new real.

Come Unlock, and it now spells the return of mall pottering as much as the potters. It unlocks a reverse migration, from Pujo e-shopping to Pandal hopping.

Back from virtual is the new real.

Come unlock, and for us tweeple, it may also be a time to unlock another newness called the nine-fold new normal Navratri wish-list.

Thank less and Tharoorisms: How one wishes to be spared Tharoorisms, simply because it might not be a good idea for Shashi ji to eat his own words in the season of fasting.

Notifications, naught needed: Wish this Navratri heralds less of notifications.

Less of Notifications Unlimited flashing to announce the flash Flipkart Navratri sale or midnight mela on Amazon. Less of Notifications Unwanted alerting one to Home Centre or Haldiram, Big Bazaar or Biba discounts for the bibis, beejis to bhabhi jis. Less of Notifications Unsolicited landing for Purple Chillis to Pepper Fry preview Pujo sales. Never mind that they all come riding only one hidden sub text – Bheja Fry.

Navratri Selfie-ism in new normal:

One wishes too that Tweeple won’t post farzi festive selfies with masks. For, they’re more fake than fake news or fake sinews.

The moment the camera shuts its eyes, off goes the mask, let’s face it.

To twin or not to twin: Wish A-Listers of B-town won’t flood Twitterverse with enviable selfies of twinning in Pujo pret.

For, twinning is tough on lesser mortals, We the C-listers, from cities that have either to do with a “C” or cities that are hard to on a Google Map see.

For, twinning with us in pink pyjamas or purple palazzos may not come easily to our north Indian Tier 2 male partners who at the mention of ‘twinning’ tend more to see red.

Perils of pandal hopping: How one wishes not to see that spate of status updates of pandal hopping.

For, it might be tad tough on Tweeple staying home so as to play it safe than “saree”.

Navratri thaalis vs Pujo platters: Those fasting in the Navratras can only wish not to be getting a taste of too many FB foodie posts. A wish born not only from the challenges of fasting in the time of fellow feasting, but also from the fact that oftentimes it’s hard to figure out what’s more overdressed – the Pujo platters or the Pujo populace.

Chaaniya Cholis refashioned: An item high on new normal’s wishlist will be the cholis of BFFs and Biradri. To be eyed not so much for sizzle quotient, but for recycle value. For recycling into masks, post navratri.

More bare the backs, more the mask value.

High on Hashtagism: How one wishes to see wackier hashtags than the humdrum #NavratriVibes #PujoFever and all that.

How about #DandiyaRaaz #CholiKePeecheKyaHaiMask?

Fixated on fasting

When Pujo comes, can our Duo be far behind!

Lollita voices her Wishlist to Lambaji, “Honey, how about fasting, on your consumption of Netflix! How about more of work of home, less of Enola Holmes!”