Adulting sucks... but it does get easier

It does get easier and all of us get better at adulthood. At the same time, I don’t know if we ever become fully functional adults. Maybe adulthood is about making peace with the fact that we will continue losing our way and then finding it again.

Mumbai: Remember how when you were eight years old and couldn’t wait to be an adult? The idea of turning 18 and then 21 kept you going through school and maybe even college. You thought about how adulthood would finally be the time when you would have choice, freedom, and a license to live life on your terms. You couldn’t wait for it. Cut to reality, it feels like a bit of a disappointment, doesn’t it?

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Being an adult suddenly feels like an endless pursuit of engaging in mundane, monotonous tasks that are far from enjoyable. Think about it: filing taxes, paying bills, submitting invoices, figuring out a way to sort your documents and then errands like doing your laundry, buying groceries and many more. Add to this the pressure of figuring how not to procrastinate, optimize each day, have a job, take time out for friendships and relationships. And also the lingering question about how to also have a larger purpose. On most days, adulthood can feel overwhelming and demanding.

You wonder ‘How come nobody ever told me that adulthood was hard?’

Then you begin to self-doubt and think, “Am I the only one struggling with it and does it ever get easier?”

As someone who’s still trying to remember which bag I keep my cupboard keys in and as a therapist and parent to a Gen-Z, I can tell you it does get easier and all of us get better at adulthood. At the same time, I don’t know if we ever become fully functional adults. Maybe adulthood is about making peace with the fact that we will continue losing our way and then finding it again. I really wish someone told me that, when I was younger; the shaming directed at self would have been much lesser.

At the same time, I know and realize that the unique challenges that Gen Z is faced with makes adulthood particularly challenging. Whether it’s dealing with uncertainty, economic insecurity, climate change concerns, isolation, information overload and a compelling itch to stay updated, it’s a long list. Social comparison and over-simplification of adulthood on social media, makes it hard for them to mute out the noise. There is a consistent feeling of being less than and not doing enough.

Gen Z grew up in a world that had technology and was digital, as compared to millennials who were introduced to it much later in life. As a result, earlier generations had an option to not constantly stay updated with global news or have updates about other people’s lives.

A combination of all of this is adding to the anxiety, low self-esteem, and the Impostor syndrome that Gen Z is facing.

While social media has created an illusion that everybody has it easy and has things figured out, the reality is that all of us are on our way to figuring things out. After trying to ask who I thought were fully functional adults, listening to podcasts, devouring books on how to be hyper focused, save money, listen to clients in therapy for almost two decades and actually putting my head down and doing adulthood chores, I’m beginning to realize that figuring things out in a way that works for us and our value system and still holding on to hope is all we have got.

How and when you will reach this stage is something no one can predict. Though during this process of engaging with life, I can tell you with certainty that there will be delightful moments where you will receive love, help from quarters you least expected, moments of serendipity, clarity in conversations where you didn’t expect much and even opportunities of repair in some relationships. All of this will make it a little easier to keep moving.

When I think of adulthood, I keep going back to this line from BoJack Horseman - “Every day it gets a little easier, but you gotta do it every day. That’s the hard part, but it does get easier”.