A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: Can I have a tissue, please?

A Calmer You disclaimer: Before I begin, let me inform you that I’m a clean person, lest this write-up gives you a wrong impression. I brush my teeth daily and try to take a bath on most days. However, I continue to suffer from a phobia of those who have a phobia of germs.
I continue to suffer from a phobia of those who have a phobia of germs.
I continue to suffer from a phobia of those who have a phobia of germs.
Updated on Oct 12, 2019 03:39 PM IST
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Hindustan Times | By

I know a woman who says, ‘Can I have a tissue, please?’ every 30 seconds. No seriously, I do. Fine, the 30 sec bit is an exaggeration but she does it every 30 minutes, and THAT is not a lie. Sometimes I think of telling her that by using and discarding so many tissues around her she may be facilitating the formation of a germ country in her surroundings, but I fear she’ll give me a dirty look. I’ve nothing against the poor tissues — they are a good invention, though I continue to lament the death of good ol’ cloth ‘hankies’. They were pretty and had so many emotions attached. Somehow, it doesn’t have quite the same ring to say, ‘He handed a tissue paper to his crying girlfriend’. Khair, jaane do. I feel that as we have got more progressive with the changing times, we’ve also got more paranoid and fussy about our surroundings.

And let’s be clear, I’m not referring to those who unfortunately suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is a recognised medical condition and must be treated by qualified medical professionals. I’m talking about the rest of us, who’ve formed certain rules and restrictions — with or without any basis — in our minds. And they keep us from enjoying life to the fullest, because we’re stressed about complying with these self-created rules.

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Let’s take a look at what these myths make us:

1. The neat freaks: You would surely find one such person in your close surroundings. It could be your mom, who begins her day by telling you how your room resembles a war-torn city and that your cupboard is fit for newly-wed rats to start a family. Maybe it is. But the frequency with which you are reminded about it could drive you to the wall. And it’s dreadful if she decides to
clean it herself, even though your porn collection is safely locked away.

It could be your hostel roommate who scoffs every time you leave your towel on the bed. It could be a nagging spouse who wants his/her things stacked at a 36 degree angle, spick and span. It could even be a friend, a visit to whose house could give you a heart attack inducing complex, because clothes are arranged as per colours and books on the rack are in an alphabetical order. These people have a method to their life and I truly admire them
for it. As long as they accept that there’s also a method in the chaos of other people’s
life, who are not as organised as them.

My desk may still have unanswered official letters dated 2008 but I manage to find whatever I’m looking for, amid that madness. And I certainly won’t take too kindly to anyone who will forcibly try and remove the much-loved dust on my table. I may have an important phone number written in the dust with my finger and you can’t just cruelly wipe it away. My point is simple. We all have our own definitions and degrees of cleanliness. Don’t impose yours on mine, and there will be a lesser scope of stress for the both of us.

2. The fussy eaters: These people will not enjoy the good things in life, and will not let you do it either. The thought of street food gives them a stroke, and you may find them ‘trying’ to enjoy golgappas in a fancy restaurant where the waiter wears white gloves and calls them ‘puchkis’, with an accent.

Well, I’m sorry for them, really. It’s not that I want to die of cholera after drinking unfiltered water from a drain, but then I don’t think the excellent tea that the roadside chaiwalla serves in a small glass has the potential to kill me. The germs may just think of me as a friendlier person and refrain from attacking me.

The tip is simple, again. Set your own standards in terms of what you want to eat, and where from. But don’t deny anyone else the pleasure and right of exercising their choice. Also don’t put needless fear in their minds by narrating stories of how you suffered from loose motions the last time you ate at a dhaba. It may well have been because of the meal you ate at a five-star hotel the previous night, when the waiter spat into your food because you were making his life hell
over how the daal was 1.37 degrees colder.

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3. The I-will-burst-but-I-won’t-pee gang: When God made an organ in our bodies called the urinary bladder, He didn’t know some people will make it the mission of their lives to torture it endlessly.

These are the people who have problem attending to Nature’s call unless they happen to be near their own toilets that are washed with dettol every hour and have hand sanitisers. These people will go to extra lengths to stick ‘leave the seat dry and up’ kinda notes in office/college loos, but will avoid using the same restrooms. They flush with their elbows and touch the door knob only with 20 metres of toilet paper or tissues in hand. Actually, to be honest, I don’t blame them. It is a fact that public toilets in our country are usually in a sad state and are the biggest source of infection because of those who don’t follow the most basic hygiene practices. But if you will squirm uncomfortably in your seat the entire length of a movie but won’t visit the cinema hall’s restroom, you need to rethink about your paranoia levels.

The final word: Live and let live. Cleanliness is a way of life and that’s undisputable. Just don’t turn it into a stress monster. Go out and have golgappas. I promise you won’t die. Just a little food poisoning, that’s it.

Sonal Kalra has taken a pledge to clean her office desk, definitely before the next New Year. Mail your thoughts at sonal.kalra@ hindustantimes.com or facebook.com/sonalkalraofficial. Follow on Twitter @sonalkalra.


    Sonal Kalra edits the daily Entertainment & Lifestyle supplements, HT City/Cafe; writes the weekly column ‘A Calmer You’

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