My dear fellow Namosevaks, my heart overflows with pride and joy in informing you that we have thrown the geriatric, out-of-date party apparatus into the dustbin of history and have instead created a rejuvenated Modified party, writes Manas Chakravarty.columns Updated: Jun 16, 2013 02:22 IST
The Telegraph, June 10, 2013 headline: ‘BJP Modivated’ and Hindustan Times, June 8, 2013: Yashwant Sinha says, ‘I am not suffering from NaMonia’
Namorandum no. bjp/00001
Date: 01/01/01 A.M (Anno Modini)
My dear fellow Namosevaks,
My heart overflows with pride and joy in informing you that we have thrown the geriatric, out-of-date party apparatus into the dustbin of history and have instead created a rejuvenated Modified party.
Under our new modivational leadership, we will overcome all challenges and scale new heights. There will no longer be any in-fighting between extremists and moderates in the party, we are all Modirates now.
The important question you will ask, of course, is: what is to be our new Modis operandi? What, you will wonder, is the raison d’être, the LeitModif for the change? Is it just going to be Moditva instead of Hindutva?
The nation is stuck in a morass, thanks to the sinful UPA and we need a strong locoModive to pull it out — a locoModive that only our glorious leader can provide. We are going to modify the struggling economy, using namotechnology.
We will get the automodive industry rolling again. In foreign policy, we will strengthen relations with Namobia and Modigascar. We promise to bring change in the lives of ordinary men and women, not in decades or years, but in namoseconds.
Everybody knows our leader is a dyNamo of energy.
We must find new role models so that women too can identify with our ideals and I think we should anoint Modisty Blaise as our new heroine and pray that we too find the strength and courage to fight evil that she has.
I am also a great fan of Modinna, the lady who gave us the timely message, “Papa don’t preach”. I’m not sure, though, whether her “Erotica” will be all that welcome to the party.
Beware, wicked men are out to get us and many backstabbers within the party, as Shri Yashwantji so eloquently put it, suffer from namonia. Several of our own leaders are sorely afflicted by namophobia and namotitis.
I shall not deign to name them, they shall remain in namoless despair. When the history of our times comes to be written, these small people shall remain forever namonymous.
Be warned that people will call us all kinds of names and I myself have been called a namoeba, a namotode. We will be accused of being namoral, of being namoniacs and of running namok, drunk on ideology.
But let us not get hot and bothered — instead I would advise you to moditate to calm your mind. If moditation does not work, you may even take modication. A friend of mine who works in a bar in Candolim says that instead of modicines, a few moditos work wonders.
I am confident this is the start of a great and namorable innings in the history of our party.
I know you are surprised to find many words in this namorandum that are spelt rather strangely. No, my spelling is not that bad, it’s just that we think it appropriate that the way we write, pronounce and modilate words must reflect the spirit of the times.
We will collate all the changes in a reference book, which will, of course, be called the Namosutra.
The guy from Goa,
Namohar Parrikar backwards.
Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint
Views expressed by the author are personal