Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa Sikdar ‘cried uncontrollably’ for days last month after ‘pretending to be too strong’ at first

Sutapa Sikdar did not cry ‘as much as (she) should have’ after Irrfan Khan’s death last year. However, last month, she cried non-stop for seven-eight days straight.

Writer Sutapa Sikdar, the wife of the late actor Irrfan Khan, said that she ‘tried to be too strong’ after his death. The actor died on April 29 last year after a two-year battle with a neuroendocrine tumour.

Irrfan Khan is survived by wife Sutapa Sikdar and their two sons.

Sutapa said in an interview that she found it ‘embarrassing’ to show her emotions in front of people, and so, she did not cry all that much. However, last month, she went to Jaipur for a wedding and ended up crying non-stop for days.

Talking to a leading daily, Sutapa said, “I think I tried to be too strong, you know. I pretended to be too strong and I took to family responsibilities and duties and everything else. Too early, too strong. My intellect comes in front of my emotional thing. Your mind is always controlling your emotions. I don’t talk to people (about such topics) because I find it so embarrassing to cry in front of people, you know. So probably that’s why I didn’t cry as much as I should have. I don’t know. Probably it’s all bottled inside.”

Last month, Sutapa drove down to Jaipur from Mumbai, for a family wedding. “And when I went there, I just cried and cried. I cried uncontrollably for days... for seven-eight days. 24/7 I cried. I’m not sure why... One, I think, my children were not there with me, I had gone alone – I didn’t have to be strong. And secondly, I don’t know what happened, maybe it’s the place and he was there, since it’s Rajasthan. I think it still holds that connection and it’s very strange, you know, I do get hints of him being around,” she added.

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Irrfan is survived by Sutapa and their sons, Babil and Ayaan. At the time of his death, she shared a statement on behalf of the family, in which she said, “How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment?” She went on to say that the death was ‘not a loss’ but a gain. “It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve.”