ROTTEN reporters, says Rahul Bose

'After giving a riverful of interviews on the sports auction we held on Friday, (and a resounding success it was), I’ve come to the conclusion reporters don’t listen. Seriously!' Rahul Bose writes about a annoying TV reporter.

After giving a riverful of interviews on the sports auction we held on Friday, (and a resounding success it was), I’ve come to the conclusion reporters don’t listen. Seriously. TV reporters are the worst offenders. They ask you a question and then look all around for the next celebrity to accost. Or they ask you a question and you can tell they’re rehearsing the next question they’re going to ask you. Here are samples of what happened to me on Friday:

HT Image

Reporter Of Trashy Television Entertainment Network (ROTTEN) -

Rahul! Rahul!! Can we ask you a question?

Me -

(flashing best leading man smile, speaking in a false, deep, charming tone) - Sure, Swaranjalini! How are you?

ROTTEN -

What are you expecting from this evening?

Me -

Well, Really it’s just such a thrill to have nine world champions…’

ROTTEN -

Wonderful! Thank you! Leander! Leander! Please can we talk to you?? ...Or,

ROTTEN -

So, how do you feel now that the auction was so great!

Me -

Well, it felt great just to have Abhinav and Anil and Ajitpal Singh in the same room!

ROTTEN -

What do you think of teen pregnancy?

Me -

Err, sorry? What does this have to do with the auction?

ROTTEN -

Nothing! I’m filing a story on the 13 year old girl who is pregnant with sextuplets. So?

Me -

I’m afraid I haven’t read…

ROTTEN -

Deepika! Deepika! Hi!!!! Will you give us a teeny-weeny bite?? ...Or,

ROTTEN -

So, we hear Rahul Dravid’s piece was a huge hit! Huh?

Me -

There were so many record-breaking bids on so many...

ROTTEN -

Ok, ok. Now give us a Pongal greeting.

Me -

Whaaa…?

ROTTEN -

C’mon, ya! Don’t be so North Indian! The Southies also have festivals, ok? C’mon, no. Wish our viewers!

Me -

Errr…Hi! This is Rahul Bose and you’re watching Happy Pongal! Shit! Sorry! I messed that up! Let me try it again.

ROTTEN (smiling slyly) -

No, no! That was fine! It was (wicked, muffled laughter) perfect! ...Or,

ROTTEN -

So Rahul, Leander and Bhaichung and Sushil Kumar Sushil Kumar and Dhanraj Pillay in one room! How did you manage it?

Me -

Well, it really wasn’t me, I think it was the cause…

ROTTEN -

Ok. Now for the channel ID!!

Me -

But I hadn’t finished…

ROTTEN -

Don’t worry we’ll take it from your other interviews. They all sound the same - boring, sanctimonious, big-big words…

Me -

Wow! That’s an insult if I ever heard…

ROTTEN -

Channel ID, yaar!

Me -

Hi! I’m Rahul Bose, and you’re watching ROTTEN, which stands for (sly smile)…

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