Police and their sense of humour

Gurugram cops, although hard-pressed, have not lost their wit.

While following up on a recent story — in which a 27-year-old psychologist was allegedly slapped by a man, who had been stalking her, at a Metro station in Gurugram — a comment from the investigating official over the phone threw me off.

I had called up the police official to verify the details of the incident, and was carefully asking innocuous questions, when the official snapped.

The woman in question was about to board a train from Guru Dronacharya Metro station, when the accused, who was waiting at the platform, had allegedly slapped her after an argument.

I asked the official, “Sir, did the incident happen on the train? If yes, what time did she board the train? Was the man in question also on the train?”

The official, possibly irritated by the volley of questions, replied, “Bhai, tanne train ke aage letna hai jo itne sawal puchhe hai? (Brother, do you intend to lay down in front of the train that you are asking so many questions?).” He hung up but I was bemused by his curtness.

A senior colleague, who has been covering crime in the city for several years, told me that the unsolicited advice of the policeman was the chaste Haryanvi way of talking and that he spoke in jest.

My experiences, albeit limited, have made me realise that the police officials in Gurugram do not beat about the bush and are always on the edge. I assume it could be due to the demands of the job. Considering the rising crime graph, police officials are busy probing cases and making rounds of hospitals and district courts. The hours are long and the job is demanding.

Or, it could be that the cops really have a sense of humour.

On another occasion, I almost received a marriage proposal at a police station. While waiting to meet a station house officer (SHO) at a police station, I found myself staring at a munshi head clerk (MHC), who was rebuking a man for not submitting documents for tenant verification on time.

After a few minutes, he told me in chaste Haryanvi, “Bhai, ke dekhe se? Biyaah karega mujh se? (Brother, what are you staring at? Do you want to marry me?)”

A recent arrest of a history-sheeter had elicited another sharp retort.

When asked if the accused was loitering in the area to commit a robbery, a police official replied, “Ab bhai, uske dil mein toh ghus ke na dekhya (Brother, I have not looked into his soul.)”

A common complaint I hear from policemen is that journalists are pesky and opportunistic. As such policemen are reluctant to share too much.

“Aap PRO (public relations official) se le lo khabar (get the news from the PRO assigned by the police department),” is the cliched and go-to reply of a police official to any query.

Cops will also tell you to get the news from a fellow beat reporter.

But, even though they get your name wrong (I am Parveen, always) or refuse to share information, every policeman in town will offer you a cup of hot tea (chai) as you wait or, in my case, stare.

(Pavneet Singh Chadha is a reporter with the Gurugram bureau who covers crime)