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Have you fallen for someone who resembles your ex? It’s not a coincidence

india Updated: Apr 13, 2010 19:12 IST
Sujata Reddy
Sujata Reddy
Hindustan Times

Karan singh GroverWe’ve all heard of people getting into relationships with those with similar behavioural patterns. It may take the layman a while to identify such a pattern, but when one gets into relationships or picks friends who share similarity in terms of appearances, the identification comes almost instantly. Shraddha Nigam who’s often seen around town with fellow actor Mayank Anand, for instance, looks uncannily similar to her ex-husband Karan Singh Grover.

Clinical psychologist Gayatri Balasubramaniam analyses Nigam’s choice of beau/friend and says that there is a subjective explanation to this seeming coincidence. “My personal opinion is that such a scenario is more than just a coincidence. When we befriend or date people who look uncannily similar to each other, we also tend to transfer our unfinished feelings, from the previous relationship to the present one,” explains Balasubramaniam.

Recurring pattern
She adds further, “If I meet a girl who looks just like my friend, my feelings for my friend will automatically be transferred on to this acquaintance. They may wear off later, but initially it impairs judgement,” she says. “And if I had a bad history with my friend, my unfinished business will be transferred on to this acquaintance, for no fault of hers,” says Balasubramaniam.

Kanan Khatau Chikhal, clinical psychologist and counsellor, adds that though there is no harm in dating similar looking persons, the problem begins only when the pattern is impairing the concerned party. “If a person likes to wear white shirts, no matter where he goes, he will pick up variations in white shirts, because it suits their palette. That’s who they are,” says Kanan, who cites examples of a few girls she knew and had a thing for guys with glasses. “One can’t really comment if this habit is a good or a bad one,” explains Kanan.

While another clinical psychologist Trupti Jayin says that in practice, similarity is like familiarity, Kanan says that there is no need for one to break out of the habit. “If you have a comfort zone, just stick to it. There is no need to change the pattern just because others find it weird,” says Kanan. The need for change, she asserts, should come from within.

“Ask yourself: Do I like what I get? Is this what I want and am I happy with what I’m getting?” is Kanan’s advice. The rest, she says, will fall into place.

First Published: Apr 13, 2010 17:47 IST