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Healing parental divide

Has there been a watershed in your relationship with your parents; a chasm which makes you wonder if they are the same parents you could not live without?

india Updated: Mar 01, 2004 18:03 IST

Have you been very fond of your parents as a child? Have you, somewhere along the way, paved with good intentions, yet with a shortage of time and energy, left them far behind? Has there been a watershed in your relationship with your parent or parents, such that you begin to wonder if they are the same parents you could not live without? Or do you sometimes feel that maybe you have moved on to a different plane of living, segregating yourself from the one bond that was the most important to you?

You are not alone! There are millions of humans for whom their parental rift has widened so much that it appears to be a huge chasm, impossible to bridge!

Yet, the longing to be a child, safe and sound in the arms of parents, trusting that all will be taken care of, is part of the inner child psyche in the core of our hearts. How to rebuild that broken bridge, and cross over it easily, is the subject of discussion in this article.

The very first step would be to take a happy picture of your parents. Gaze into the loving eyes of those who came together to bring you lovingly into this world, and breathed their life giving energies into your little body.

Their nurturing and raising you, through sickness and dark times, every moment through your growing years, brings a smile of thankfulness to them for this great service. You feel a sense of honouring, for their unconditional service to you, well up within your soul.

Now take yourself back to the time when you were a teenager. The pangs and misgivings of growing up come tumbling back through the misty cobwebs of time. You see yourself, maybe for the first time as a frightened child inside the body of a grown up person. The dichotomy hits you hard, and you seek approval from your parents, silently, yet diffidently, for you feel that they do not recognize the new adult you.

Love them for the part they played in bearing with your arrogance, when you made it clear to them that they were fools who knew nothing about the art of living life the way it should be lived.

Forgive yourself, wrap up the guilty feeling into a fluff of violet cloud, and send it out to the Universe. Far, far away, so that all is forgiven between you, and what remains is the love and trust that you had for each other when you were younger.

Now, take yourself back to when you were a five year old. Going to a proper school, made you feel so grown up and important. Yet the thought of leaving the warmth of the cocoon of home and parental love struck a cold arrow into your heart. Thank your parents for the right decisions they made in allowing you to grow up, when they left you feeling unloved at the school gates. Lovingly feel the gratefulness for all the ambitions they had for your welfare and for your fantastic future.

Go further back in time to when you were just born. Straight out of the warmth of your mother's womb you were planted into the love and care of these beautiful souls, who nurtured you unceasingly, caring minutely for your comforts, and cocooning you in their warm embrace.

Remember that you felt totally in love with them, your whole world centred around them, and that you trusted them to provide for your needs and desires, explicitly and immediately. There was no question of your going hungry, or being cold or unwanted.

Now reverse the roles. Today your parents are at this stage and it is payback time for you to become the surrogate parent to them. Just as they forgave every naughty whim and indulged each fancy of yours, honour the role reversal by expressing your whole-hearted love for them.

Treat them gently and lovingly, as if you had just acquired your newborn child. And if the divide between your ideologies has widened too far, then just practice this exercise everyday in your mind, sending them love, light and asking for forgiveness, through strongly directed thoughts.

It will, it has to, pave the way for a re-bonding between you. Heal the rift before it is too late, before you are forced to do so at the cremation ground, when you will never again get a chance to see their love for you shine from their eyes, as it once did when they held you as a beautiful cuddly new-born in their arms!

First Published: Mar 01, 2004 17:58 IST