'I got molested, should I tell lover?'
1. I am a 22-year-old girl living in Delhi. When I was a child, I had a traumatic experience. A family member molested me for three months at the age of 11. After my parents found out, they did everything to protect me. They showered me with lots of love, got me counselling, had that person cut out from the family. All in all they got me through this unfortunate tragedy to become a nice healthy girl - both physically and mentally. But somehow this matter remained at the back of my head. I was scared of being involved with a guy physically. Then I fell in love with my best friend almost two years back and the two of us have the most beautiful, pure and satisfying relationship. Last week, while we were alone we gave into our passion and made our first physical contact but both of us remained within certain boundaries and did not have sex. The whole experience was fabulous. We plan to get married sometime later but I feel guilty, as he still doesn't know about my past. I am confident that even if I tell him, it would change nothing between us but I just can't take the risk. This man has finally gotten me over my trauma completely. I treasure, cherish and love him too much. What should I do?
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: How much to confide in a future husband or a current boyfriend is an unnecessary dilemma. Your relationship with the husband or a boyfriend begins from the day you are committed to him and you sure have to be faithful and candid with him after the commitment. You owe no apology to anyone for what happened years ago (how ever unfortunate) for no fault of yours.
'I'm married but love someone else'
2. I have been married for four months. Our wedding got fixed at a time when I was planning to breakup because I realised how different we are - be it priorities or thinking. My husband's been brought up in a small town where as I have always been either in Delhi or Mumbai so there is a major difference in our attitudes. Ours had always been a long distance relationship and we did not stay for more than 10 days together in the same city until we got engaged and that is the time I realised how different our lifestyles are. After marriage, we haven't had sex at all. The other reason for all this is that I had met someone else during our courtship but couldn't breakup my wedding then due family pressure. My husband on the other hand is a really nice guy and I hate to break his heart. But I can't get over the other guy. Also, I am not sure if he would marry me in case I got divorced. I am in a mess! Please suggest a way out.
Reply From Dr. Prem Lata Chawla: From your account it is certain that your sweetheart has already outgrown you and has moved on. You better grow up and take a decision about your marriage - either you are for it or not for it as marriage demands whole-hearted commitment. Before taking the decision remember that there is no one waiting for with open arms.