I visit a Tantric
This is not a fictional account. I might have to change the names of people that I make a mention of just in case they desire it to be so. Rest all is true but there is obviously no way that I can prove that to you. The only motive behind writing this is to share with anyone (who is just as inclined towards) the little discoveries that I make in my attempt to see that which is not tangible but more real than what is. I really do look forward to hearing from whosoever wishes to write back to me about one's own feelings on the 'subject'. The link for writing back is given right below my own account. I hope to write to you every Wednesday and Saturday.
So to continue from where I left on Wednesday, that April night took away from me the blessed right to sleep peacefully through the dark hours. Horrible nightmares (I know, nightmares are horrible definitively speaking!) began to haunt me. Invariably, my dreams were littered with bodies - limbless and covered with blood, death, murder, pieces of flesh, spirits I couldn't see but knew were there… those were terrifying nights.
I would get up from my sleep, sweating and choking for breath, probably when my sub-conscious self couldn't bear to be in the tormented dream state any longer. What made everything worse was that if I tried going back to sleep the damn dream would begin right from where it had ended - that obviously kept me from sleeping for long durations. Things came to such a point that no matter how tired I was I would battle against sleep the best I could. Obviously, I always lost myself to sleep... there was no escape from the dark battleground.
I tried to discuss this with my family doctor once and got the expected response; he sited the predictable reason - insecurity of some kind. And I didn't have the guts to tell him what I thought … how could someone who was studying in one of the most prestigious colleges in Asia talk about and believe in things like spirits for God's sake ... that was so un-cool.
My mother told me to remember God before going off to sleep but then you know how it is. The negative by nature is so much easier to feel, to access ... to be consumed by the negative requires nothing more than weakness, which comes pretty easily to perhaps all of us. Actually speaking, even the positive is just as easily accessible; the only difference here being that to reach out to the positive one requires strength and that my friend is not so easy to come by.
Since I used to sleep alone in my room, no one really realised the magnitude of my problem unless I got married in December 2000. I was obviously not sleeping alone anymore, good for me but bad for my husband. Every single night he had to shake me up from my nightmare for he could hear me making 'funny' sounds (as he would say). For the first few months he pulled my leg over the issue and I tried not to react negatively, so I just laughed it off. But then one day I broke down, accusing him of being downright insensitive towards my ordeal.
That must have stayed on in his mind for when we went to visit his parents in Dehradun in May 2001 he told his mother about it. "You never discussed this with your parents?" she asked, obviously taken aback that I had been undergoing this for more than three years without having done anything about it.
"I mentioned it a few times casually for I knew that they would attribute it to my faint-heartedness and the fact that I have seen a few horror movies which might have had a lasting impact on my psyche. Then I wasn't sure if that wasn't true... maybe it is all psychological and there is nothing to it," I said candidly.
"Ok. I will take you to this person who is really good and honest in his dealings. If it is psychological, he will tell you as much and if it is something more, he will manage that as well. He is not a commercial chap - almost a simpleton. That should solve your problem," she sounded very confident.
So the next day we were on our way to this place that lies on the outskirts of Dehradun town area; it is more deeply ensconced in the Himalayan range. This place is inhabited by a tribe known as Jaunsaris, feared for its active indulgence in the occult.
My MIL (mother-in-law) introduced me to this Jaunsari man, very young and slightly built. Oh by the way, since my MIL was familiar with the ways and means of it all, the previous night she had given me a few grains of rice to keep under my pillow. Now this person sat in meditation for a while and then asked me to hand over those grains to him. I am not too sure but I think he was in a trance-like state because while reading those grains he was moving to and fro and letting out strange sounds. And then he asked, "Did you feel something negative in the air around three years back or so? Did that thing terrify you a great deal?"
Holy Cow! So such people are for real after all... all those tales that I heard till now weren't made-up by feeble-minded people... they are here and they exist.
There is more to this episode but that's for Wednesday, October 8. This will get too long-drawn in one go otherwise. And if anyone is interested in sharing one's own experience or thoughts on the subject, please 'Write to me'!