Please mark me absent

Believe me when I say this, when you persistently ask God to show you the way, He does grant you your wish, there is NO doubt in that. But then...

india Updated: Nov 03, 2003 11:40 IST

This is not a fictional account. I might have to change the names of people that I make a mention of just in case they desire it to be so. Rest all is true but there is obviously no way that I can prove that to you. The only motive behind writing this is to share with anyone (who is just as inclined towards) the little discoveries that I make in my attempt to see that which is not tangible but more real than what is. I really do look forward to hearing from whosoever wishes to write back to me about one's own feelings on the 'subject'. The link for writing back is given right below my own account. I hope to write to you every Wednesday and Saturday.

Hi folks! I wish I had reported sick for work today ... it would have been a valid excuse then, professionally speaking, to not write this column. (My writing to you all is indeed a spiritual exercise for me but then having fixed days for it like 'Wednesday' and 'Saturday' is a 'professional' call that one has to take.) As I write these words to you, believe me if you can, I haven't taken the permission of my boss to go ahead and do this; I am possibly inviting a severe reprimand from him for doing what I am about to do right now.

Guys, I am not writing the column today. I am in a huge turmoil ... spiritual that is. Believe me when I say this, when you persistently ask God to show you the way, He does grant you your wish, there is NO doubt in that but He also tests your ability to live up to the gift.

He cleverly shows you numerous ways and leaves it entirely up to you to make out which is the one best suited to your being. I presume, just as He has created us all differently, giving to each one of us a distinct personality, so has He allowed a few of His children to delineate different ways of realising Him. And sometimes these 'different' ways even seem to contradict each other!

That is exactly where the problem lies! When a seeker starts out on his/her journey, he/she is likely to meet numerous spiritually advanced souls, each one with a distinct 'flavour', and Oh God nothing can be more perplexing in life than that! Believe me, I am facing this right now as I write this to you. I wish I could have you all with me, talk to you and tell you How God plays hide and seek and then smiles mischievously!

For the past month I have literally been bombarded with different spiritual paths: each one descending from the same lineage and still each one so different! But today's experience takes the cake and I am royally bewildered. People talking about the same thing but in different languages, which one do I relate to best?

I need time and I need seclusion. I need to be away from myself so I can be with myself totally. What is needed is reflection and discrimination; at this moment I realise why Sri Krishna emphasises so much on discrimination while expounding on the Truth in Bhagvad Gita. It is discrimination, which ultimately frees one from the shackles of illusions but it is a difficult tool to employ, we are so used to playing dumb!

Forgive me for talking to you all distractedly but if there is one thing that I can promise you in today's column then it is this: God is there and if you truly, with all your heart, seek Him you are going to get to Him. But hey, take it from me, He will put you through all kinds of tests before letting you see the Light. If you are ready to withstand, with patience and intelligence, those excruciatingly perplexing moments, then go ahead and ask Him to take your hand. I have taken a step in that direction and I am not stepping back... for the life of me I am not. The tougher He makes it, the stronger my resolve gets.

PS: I think I have ended up writing the column anyway. See, how the Master helps those who seek refuge in Him! I had thought I would write in a couple of lines requesting you all to excuse me for today but I was very uneasy with that thought... inwardly I was asking the Master to come to my rescue and I see that He did.

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The devil sits inside
The power in words
One of those dreams
The miracle, God and I
The compassionate One
The turning point
Smile at God
They live with God
I visit a Tantric
That sinister presence
A brush with the spirit world
On my way Home

First Published: Nov 01, 2003 19:08 IST