Unlawful terrorist

Ajmal Kasab has got himself in big trouble. He didn’t buy a platform ticket.

We can quite see the court proceedings. The accused Ajmal Amir Kasab’s counsel approaches the bench saying, “Your Honour, my client pleads guilty to entering the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus without a railway ticket. He also pleads guilty to littering a few cartridges while on the said premises. Other than that, he pleads innocent to any other charge.” Oh yes, investigators in the Mumbai attack are leaving nothing to chance. They have actually booked the sole surviving assassin of entering the bus terminus, where he and his associate mowed down 59 commuters, for not having a valid ticket.

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If it were not so tragic, this would be laughable. Perhaps, the investigators would like to go one better and ask whether the terrorists had the appropriate permission from the Mumbai Port Trust for entering the harbour, and whether they were dressed appropriately while on their killing spree at the Taj and Trident. Did they have authorised SIM cards to communicate with their handlers? We are sure that this will inspire all miscreants to be careful the next time around. If they wish to unleash mayhem in a cinema hall, they will be certain to buy a dress circle ticket. And certainly never double-park their getaway vehicles. No, they will play by the book. But you have to give it to our investigators.

This will definitely baffle the likes of Lashkar-e-Tayyeba chief Zaki ur-Rehman Lakhvi. Just when he thought he had sown terror into our hearts, out we pop asking his boy to explain why he did not follow the proper procedure of buying a ticket before slaughtering people. We can see the master terrorist in his lair saying, a la Obelix, ‘these Indians are crazy’.