When the dead approach
I didn't mention this dream to anyone; I was feeling slightly guilty for relating to mami as a 'ghost'. But the problem did not end there.india Updated: Nov 08, 2003 18:15 IST
This is not a fictional account. I might have to change the names of people that I make a mention of just in case they desire it to be so. Rest all is true but there is obviously no way that I can prove that to you. The only motive behind writing this is to share with anyone (who is just as inclined towards) the little discoveries that I make in my attempt to see that which is not tangible but more real than what is. I really do look forward to hearing from whosoever wishes to write back to me about one's own feelings on the 'subject'. The link for writing back is given right below my own account. I hope to write to you every Wednesday and Saturday.
Today, I will tell you about something that is very personal, in the sense that it is almost a family thing and one doesn't publish such things for all to read but then I have learnt an important lesson through this experience and I must share it with you. I hope I am not transgressing any obscure rules by doing this.
A few years back, my mami (maternal aunt) expired; it was a simple gall-bladder surgery and the doctor botched up … it was a huge shock for the entire family because nobody had ever imagined that she would never come back from the hospital. Her last couple of days were spent writhing in pain and in extreme emotional agony as she was leaving behind kids (a son and a daughter) who were only in school then. She was particularly distressed about her daughter.
Mami passed away around 0330 hours and as the news of her death spread people started pouring in at the house. I reached there (my maternal side is in Dehradun) in the evening; the rites were over by then and people were sitting around her picture, trying to comfort mama. The kids were stiff as stone.
There among the mourners was the woman, who had looked after the kids when they were really young and mami had to go out for her job. The woman would faint after every few minutes; the shock too much for her to absorb … "This night didi (term used for elder sister) came in my dream and told me to look after the kids as she was leaving and I kept asking her as to where she was going but she wouldn't answer; oh God, I didn't know that she meant this!" she kept repeating in an inebriated condition. Each time she said that, people would go tsk, tsk and say, "May her soul rest in peace; she has left behind two kids." But at that time, I was more concerned about the people left behind than for the departed soul; I had no clue that…
It must have been a few months after her death that one night I saw mami in my dreams - she was standing somewhere at a distance, looking at me, her face reflecting extreme anger and dissatisfaction, her hair lying loose around her, almost dishevelled, she wore a pink salwar-kameez and she looked downright scary and oh my God, I was so aware that she was dead and that it was indeed her ghost that was standing on the other side of the road. The fear almost suffocated me and I woke up, sweating and gasping for breath.
I didn't mention this dream to anyone; I was feeling slightly guilty for relating to mami as a 'ghost' in my dream state. But the problem wasn't about to end there. To my dismay, mami started visiting my dreams very frequently, the same attire, the same expressions. I realised that it was a more serious problem when I related the dream to my cousin sisterand found out that she too had been dreaming of mami the same way. We concluded that she wasn't in peace but that obviously didn't put an end to our nightly woes.
What was more disconcerting was that my mom, upon realising that mami had been visiting my cousin and me, asked mami to come in her dreams as mom was really missing her and mami did but she was again her angry self. Mom got up from her dream, disturbed and nervous, and told mami firmly not to visit her again if that was the way she chose to pay a visit and mami didn't! I tried doing that, requesting mami not to visit me but she wouldn't listen.
Then one night I had this horrible dream, which I will never ever forget. I saw mami approaching me, holding something in her hand. I knew that she intended to give to me whatever it was but since I was aware in the dream, as always, that it was mami's spirit and not her I was in no mood to accept it. A struggle ensued - she was trying hard to open my tightly clenched fist; petrified to the core I woke up.
That was it… I was scared like nobody's business and I told my brother-in-law about it. "You have to do something. She is my mami, I don't want to do anything that may trouble her further but please tell me some jaap or some puja that I might do to keep her away," I pleaded. And when I plead, I plead out the other person's ears and so, exasperated, my brother-in-law said, "Ok go, she wouldn't come in your dreams anymore. Stop troubling me."
Having extracted his promise I took a deep thankful breath and relaxed. His promise worked for me for almost a year but then God knows what happened, the problem relapsed and it was only after a long time that I realised that the solution lay within me. I made peace with my mami.
Tell you about that the next time.
The indulgent Mother!
Please mark me absent
The devil sits inside
The power in words
One of those dreams
The miracle, God and I
The compassionate One
The turning point
Smile at God
They live with God
I visit a Tantric
That sinister presence
A brush with the spirit world
On my way Home
First Published: Nov 08, 2003 18:05 IST