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'Women are meant to be loved, not understood'

Men, do surveys and tips in books and magazines help you to understand women better? Magazines often carry tips and surveys to understand women better, but do they help? Deepti Kaul finds the answers for you.

india Updated: Mar 05, 2009 20:13 IST
Deepti Kaul
Deepti Kaul
Hindustan Times

Men, do surveys and tips in books and magazines help you to understand women better? While you ponder this question, here is what the male species from all over India had to say when we threw this bouncer at them: A 31-year-old confused male soul confesses: Well, they do offer some tips, but frankly different women are different. Worse women expect men to read their minds too often."

The HindustanTimes.com survey revealed that as high as 44 per cent men read women oriented books. Of this 29 per cent read them to understand the likes and dislikes of women. As many as 55 per cent of men think that surveys help in understanding women better but women will always remain a mystery.

So there it is. They do go through the surveys to try and understand women better. But, it does not necessarily mean that they are the wiser, having taken the plethora of quizzes.

Why then do magazines feature a hundred and thousand tips, almost every two months, suggesting, asking men how well do they understand the "mysterious" eves? The tips range from "help", if it can be so called, on understanding a woman sexually, mentally body and soul.

Recently when an international magazine launched its Indian version here, in it's very first issue it featured a mammoth three-page article which gave 100 tips on understanding women. We spoke to the person who framed this article on why did they pick on this topic in their very first issue in India.
Did they think it helped men? Or was it just for some sexcitement, fun, timepass reading?

Before we go to the author of the above mentioned article, let us hear out Dr Palash Sen, Euphoria's lead singer , "Being a huge admirer of women, I think these surveys are an insult to women. These surveys are carried out only for excitement. Every other person like me would pick up a women's magazine just to see beautiful women, to soothe their eyes but I don't think these magazines can help a person to understand women better; everyone is unique in this world with a different bent of mind."

The lady behind the survey says, "Every person has his own idea of what he looks for in a woman and if a magazine is a vehicle in opening a dialogue between two people that can be positive, then I think there is nothing wrong in these surveys."

Urvashi Butalia, of the publishing house, Kali for Women, says, "These surveys can be useful in a sense that every knowledge is useful and if men read women oriented magazines and get some useful knowledge that can be of help in future then I think, these surveys are helpful."

Says author-journalist Shobha De, "I feel there is a genuine effort by men to come to the terms of new women. Whether it is books, magazines or Internet that focuses on women's issuses, they help create a bridge of understanding between men and women".

The HindustanTimes.com poll says that 42 per cent think that the tips on 'what women want' help in understanding women better and since the the deadlock continues, we turn to the youth brigade for some enlightenment on the issue.

Ragini Nayak, president, Delhi University, says, "An Indian woman doesn't always think of alluring her spouse and these magazines only carry tips on how to keep your partner happy. I really don't think that these surveys are of help.” Spoken like a true blue feminist.

Agrees Yatika Dhingra, an speech therapy specialist who says, " These surveys are based on a limited study and that also of an elite class. It's not necessary that what is liked by one society will be liked by another.”

Says the lady behind the survey, "I have mentioned hundred points about women. You will find that many points are universal for instance girls always enjoy cribbing and complaining about some problem like a headache, cramps or something.All hundred points might not relate to an average Indian woman, but from 100 odd points at least a few can be related to the Indian woman."

Magazines often carry columns for discussing relationship problems and tips for better relationship do they make a sense, are they helpful? HindustanTimes.com got a mixed answer - 52 per cent of men say that these tips are mix of fact and fiction and 19 per cent think that these tips are realistic.

Experience definitely counts so we looked up 54-year-old Kanakasabesan's response to our survey. He says, They (the surveys) are mostly by women who do not understand men properly. They are a bit bit of fact and fiction."

The bottomline then seems to be what a person who took the survey says, "The tips do help somewhat, but women will always remain a mystery" and “"for a better relationship no suggestion from somebody else would work. It has to be a mutual understanding and respect for the other person’s feelings".

So should one gang up to put an end to these tips and surveys on understanding. On this topic, men stood united and unanimous: No way. It's fun."

Men will be men women and hey, if the man in your life is man enough to allow you the indivuiduality without feeling insecure, what's the harm in flipping through these surveys for a bit of fun. Aren't girls also looking for some plain fun when they scan books and magazines to decode a man's world?

First Published: Mar 02, 2006 16:53 IST