Tanvi Kulkarni, 16, may never be part of a hockey team again. The Class 10 student from Navi Mumbai has been an athlete most of her life. “My identity as a short distance runner and a hockey player was such a big part of the puzzle,” she says. “It made me feel different from my classmates… important… to be able to play for my school.”
For three years, she worked to represent her school. The hockey field, for her, became a place where she could be her best , pick herself up when she failed, lean on others who were either as jubilant or as heartbroken as she was, because they had a common goal.
What she misses most, Kulkarni says, is that sense of camaraderie. The mischief between practice sessions, the banter on the field, even the mud and the sore muscles after a game were things to bond over.
“Learning to share victories and recovering from defeat… there might be similar bonds that I will come across in life, but I’m not sure if anything will come close to the bonds that you forge with your teammates,” she says.
Kulkarni’s spikes and school jersey have been untouched for over a year. Instead of sweating it out and celebrating with a team, everything she does is now solitary. There’s no more waking at 5 am and rushing out for practice; she wakes up just in time for her first class at 8 am.
The change in routine has given her a lot of time for self-reflection, she says. “I have worked to stay positive in these tough times. I wonder when everything will open up completely. But I’m hopeful that a good time awaits all of us after the pandemic gets over.”
She reflects on her choices from time to time. What if she hadn’t chosen athletics and had only focused on her marks instead? “If I had this last year, I would easily have played four to five matches and probably played district-level too,” she says. “But I’m happy with my choices. No one saw the pandemic coming.”
She’s glad she had the experience of being picked for her talent. Her time on the field has taught her to recognise her own potential, multitask, learn from defeat. “I think it’s a very important skill to have in life, being able to sit with defeat and learn from it,” she says.
In many ways, she has moved on with her life. The teen is looking forward to identifying new opportunities in college. “I’m not sure if sports will ever find such a huge place in my life again, but I haven’t given up on the idea,” she says. “My running spikes are still muddy and sometimes when I’m bored I pull them out to dust them off, but mostly it is for me to check if I can still fill those shoes.”
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