Wellness by Luke Coutinho: 4 emotionally intelligent ways to deal with frustration

All of us experience frustration whether it’s in a job, relationship, personal health, self-development, or life in general

All of us experience frustration whether it’s in a job, relationship, personal health, self-development, or life in general. And that is okay. The problem is when we are constantly frustrated, unhappy, and stuck in that feeling, which prevents us from moving forward. The frustration starts ruling over our emotions and we live life with a long and unhappy face.

So, how does one overcome that frustration? Here are some ways to develop the emotional intelligence to cope with it.

• Don’t give away your power

Most of our frustration stems from the outside world—job, colleagues, boss, traffic, weather, a toxic partner, and so on. In circumstances like these, realise that no one can frustrate you till you allow yourself to be frustrated. That means, no one but you holds the power to dictate how you should feel. Own this power. Most of us, at some point, have given away our power to a person, something that someone said, past events, thoughts, news, email, or material things. This slowly drains our energy, making us feel angry, powerless, tired, and out of control.

• Don’t resist the truth

Sit back and think about this. Most of our frustration and stress is created by resisting what is. Delayed flight? Too many reschedules? Troublesome boss or employee? Accept and learn to see things as they are, not how you want them to be. Resisting what is leads to stress, anger, and frustration. On the other side of resistance is flow. When we flow with life, we dissolve our frustration and anger.

• Don’t have expectations

Where there are expectations, keep room for disappointments and frustrations. A lot of our stress is created by a sense of entitlement. None of us is entitled to anything. If we have had a bad day, that is okay. Learn how to deal with a bad day. Feeling entitled to only good and great days will leave you feeling frustrated sooner than you think.

• Don’t hold rigid beliefs

Each of us has ideals that we strongly hold onto and if life doesn’t work in accordance with these ideals, disappointment, anxiety, stress, anger, frustration, insecurity, and fear set in. What ideals are you attached to? Start writing down these ideals and beliefs.

For example:

People should be considerate or kind to me.

People should be fair.

I should get the promotion I worked for.

I will always be healthy.

Things will always be where I kept them in the house.

My house will always be clean.

My kids will do exactly what I tell them to do.

You will be loved by everyone.

And so on.

These are some of the beliefs that we form over the years based on what we see, hear or learn from social groups. The bitter truth is that life doesn’t always work according to our ideals. Your kids may not necessarily speak to you the way you want them to. People are not going to love you the way you expect them to. If you are sick, your healing doesn’t have to happen at the pace you want.

Life doesn’t always work according to our ideals and beliefs. We need to rise above these ideals and learn how to accept and let go.

We must know that each of us is different and unique in our own ways. There was only one Steve Jobs and only one Whitney Houston. Do not try to be like them. You can emulate them and learn from them. But your life is your path. Stay on it and create your own beautiful life, because ultimately you hold the power.

Luke Coutinho practices in the space of Holistic Nutrition—Integrative & Lifestyle Medicine and is the founder of You Care-All about You by Luke Coutinho

Catch Luke Coutinho’s column every fortnight in HT Brunch. It will next appear on August 27, 2022.

From HT Brunch, August 13, 2022

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