Why do we feel awkward when someone compliments us? Psychotherapist explains why we struggle to accept praise

From self-doubt to discomfort with attention, here are the reasons that make it hard to accept praise.

A friend says your hair looks lovely, and before you can stop yourself, you reply that it has not been washed in two days. Nobody asked for that confession, and yet most of us reach for a small correction, a joke or a deflection, almost on instinct, when someone says something kind. It looks like modesty, but the discomfort underneath usually has more specific reasons. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD, psychotherapist, life alchemist, coach and healer, founder and director of Gateway of Healing, decoded the psychology behind it.

Being noticed feels exposing

According to Dr Chandni, a compliment pulls a spotlight onto you, even if only for a second. Being seen, even in a flattering way, means being looked at and quietly assessed. For anyone who prefers to stay low key, that attention can feel less like a gift and more like standing in a room with the lights suddenly turned on. That is why the blush, the laugh, and the quick change of subject show up so fast; they are small ways of stepping out of the spotlight.

A compliment pulls a spotlight onto you, even if only for a second. (Pexel)

Past praise came with strings

If praise at home or school was rare, tied to results, or followed by criticism, the mind learns to look for the catch. “As an adult, a kind word can set off a small suspicious thought, such as what do they want from me, even when the person means every word,” explained Dr Chandni. The body reacts to that old pattern before the thinking mind has a chance to step in.

Vague praise seems false

When someone gives you over the top or generic compliments, like you are amazing, it rarely matches how we see ourselves, so they feel slightly untrue. Specific ones, like the way you handled that tense meeting calmly, are easier to accept because they point to something real that you can recognise in yourself.

Givers underestimate the impact

Dr Chandni highlighted that the person paying the compliment usually thinks it is a minor, passing gesture. Receivers tend to value it far more than the giver expects, and remember it for a long time. Our discomfort is often out of proportion to what was intended, and it rarely says anything about the sincerity of the kind word itself.

The person paying the compliment usually thinks it is a minor, passing gesture. (Pexel)

“Remember, none of this means you must feel completely at ease the next time someone praises you. A simpler goal is enough, like try replying with a plain thank you and nothing else, and let the sentence sit there without correcting it,” Dr Chandni explained. It feels awkward at first, but it is usually the kindest response to both of you.