How unhealed trauma shows up in relationships: Psychologist shares insights
- From being a parent to the partner to repeating dysfunctional cycles of trauma to sabotaging the relationship, here are a few ways in which unresolved trauma shows up in relationships.
Relationships, after the initial phase of firecrackers, become a journey of accepting each other through thick and thin. This also involves accepting and dealing with a person’s personal traumas, childhood terror and memories that they do not wish to remember, and scars that have left a permanent mark in their mind. A lot of people carry their unresolved trauma from their past life into their relationship. Often it becomes a portrayal through their expressions and the way they treat their partner.
In an Instagram post, Psychologist Nicole LePera dealt addressed the issue of unresolved trauma and how it creeps in the way of relationships and make things difficult. Take a look at it here:
Chaos, crisis: When chaos and crisis form the base of relationships in the way we are brought up from childhood, often predictability and stability feel boring. Hence, people look for chaos and crisis as they feel safe in those situations.
Sabotage: Sabotaging a relationship is another way of expressing the trauma. It can be through a variety of ways – betrayal, deceit, substance use and financial irresponsibility.
Inner child fantasies: When people have grown up having parents who have been abusive or have neglected them, they choose to think of people the way they see – a kind of fantasy.
Inability to communicate: We always learn the art of communication from our parents. When we have seen unhealthy ways of communication, we also tend to shut down or be in denial.
Repeating dysfunctional cycles: In this process of repetition compulsion, people tend to recreate or go through the same childhood traumas over and over again.
Fear of abandonment: The fear of being left alone is consistent in the mind – this makes them over analyse or over think or end a relationship as soon as they feel a little vulnerable.
Being a parent: many people see themselves as a parent to their partner – they start micro-managing their finances or setting harsh punishments or tracking their every move, leading to unhealthy power dynamics.
Lack of self-trust: Denying the reality and second-guessing the way they feel cause problems in the relationship as well.