This is most 'dangerous' type of relationship, says body language expert: 'Takes more energy than toxic relationships'

Ambivalent relationships can be draining and emotionally exhausting. Here's why they are worse than toxic relationships, according to a body language expert.

Ambivalent relationships can make it difficult to establish and maintain trust, in fact, they can be the most toxic and challenging to navigate. In an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast from April 2024, a clip of which has resurfaced, body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards, illustrated how ambivalent relationships are characterised by mixed feelings, contradictory emotions, and uncertain attitudes towards the other person, and they often blur or disregard personal boundaries.

'Ambivalence means you are not sure'

According to Vanessa, ambivalent relationships involve simultaneous positive and negative emotions, making it challenging to define or navigate the relationship. She said, “The relationships that are the most toxic are not the ones that are toxic relationships. They are actually the ambivalent relationships. Ambivalence is a problem of our work energy and our social energy, and highly effective people are very good at not having anything ambivalent. Ambivalence means you are not sure if you love it or hate it, you could take it or leave it. You feel neutral, often when you do it. That is actually more dangerous.”

What do ambivalent relationships look like?

Ambivalent relationships can be draining and emotionally exhausting. Vanessa further said, “I will give you an example that happens with most of the people. You might have that friend, wherein you see them on your calendar. You are like, 'Oh yeah, should I cancel? I am so tired'. Or, 'I am not really looking forward to it but we have been friends forever'. It has been on the calendar for a long time, and you hang out with them, and you wonder, 'Is this fun? Are they supporting me? Wait, was that passive-aggressive? Why do I feel so tired?' When you leave and you can't remember anything you talked about, or you question 'Do they really like me? Did I learn anything? Did I get asked good questions?' That is an ambivalent relationship. They take more energy than the good relationships and toxic relationships... you have got to say no to the bad to make room for the right.”

Ambivalent relationships can create intense emotional turmoil, characterised by feelings of uncertainty, which can be detrimental to mental health. Click here to learn five ways to prioritise your mental and emotional health when navigating through a toxic relationship.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.