Cyrus Broacha’s relationship advice: When it comes to marriage, don’t behave like a monkey

Are you having relationship troubles? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems? From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.
Hindustan Times, Delhi | By Cyrus Broacha
UPDATED ON JUL 11, 2019 12:32 PM IST

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to a commitment to even something that you can’t find a solution to.

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

I am a 25-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a senior in office for the last 6 months. However, now, since I don’t feel the same way for him, how can I end this relationship without making it awkward for both of us? - DT

DT Details. I want details. How old is this senior? If he’s 71 years old to your 25, then the finger of suspicion for a completely, ‘Matalbi’, relationship falls on you. Secondly, is he directly overseeing your career? Can he affect your career? Thirdly what is the nature of your arrangement? If you both order from Scootsy, who will pay? Finally today’s office (except for the serial office starring Mukul Chadda and Gopal Datt, and available on Hotstar), culture is very strict about dating within the employee circle. So it’s amazing you got away with it in the first place. To save your career, maybe both your careers, please be frank and straight forward with him. Don’t hedge, ask for the pink slip. Pink slip for the romance only. Maybe have a witness you can trust, so matters don’t escalate.

I am a 32-year-old man and I’ve been married for the last 3 years. We stay with my family, but she wants to move out. How do I make her understand that we would have to stay with my family? – TA

Congratulations TA, you are the 4,00000th person to ask this questions. It’s explained in a book by Steve McQuah, called “The Great Escape” The modern version is more clear with the title ‘The Great Escape from the In-laws’. The sequel to that is, ‘Surviving Tragedy’, which outlines life if you don’t escape. I’ll put it this way, its bad news and worse news for you. If you leave, the old family is upset. If you stay, the new family is upset. But when push comes to shove, from a practical point of view, you will spend more of your remaining years with your wife. Right now in Mumbai flats are selling faster than pot holes. So if you can afford it that would be my painful choice. (If you want sea facing, let’s talk offline, I know someone who knows someone.

I am a 27-year-old woman and I’ve been single for a while now. However my parents want me to get settled. I don’t think I’m ready for it now. How should I put this across to my parents? - GM

GM, why don’t we learn from the Animal Kingdom? When two red tailed Baboon’s parents feel it’s time to get their young daughter married, they don’t put ads in papers or websites. And, they don’t pressurize their young daughter, (let’s call her say Laila), to go find a suitable match in such and such a time. No they don’t. In fact Laila goes about picking nuts and berries, and fleas until she finds the right baboon, who then shares his nuts and berries and fleas with her thus cementing their union. Please explain all this to your parents with corresponding pictures of baboons, sharing holy matrimony without parent interference. When it comes to marriage, don’t behave like a monkey. Behave like a baboon.

I am a 23-year-old guy and I’ve been dating a girl for the last 2 years. The issue is that she wants to pursue her higher studies and move abroad and is not ready to be in a long distance relationship. Should I convince her or is it time to end this relationship? – BH

BH, my dear friend, why do you want to end the relationship before it actually ends? That is called ‘Love Euthanasia’ and its not practiced or allowed by the Indian Govt. to the best of my knowledge. Which you do know is severely limited. Continue dating and live in the present. She still has to get into a college abroad, then actually go there. If all this happens and she wants out, then fine, but that’s a long time away. Too many variables, why cut the chord? It’s like the Indian cricket selectors not choosing a player, because they aren’t sure he’ll be too old to play the World Cup in 4 year? If it works for M.S.Dhoni, it can work for you. Play the cards out. Picture abhi baaki hai.

Got a question? Just write to uncle Cy: cyrus@hindustantimes.com and I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

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