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Cyrus Broacha’s tips for the lovelorns: It is a game

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

sex and relationships Updated: Dec 13, 2015 18:15 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
Cyrus Broacha,Love Advice,Agony Aunt
From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to something that you can’t find a solution to.

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

I’ve been in love with my school friend since childhood. I was shy then, so I couldn’t tell her the truth. Last year, after graduation I got her number and started chatting with her. I still haven’t met her. Sadly, every call has been marred with intrusions. So, I haven’t spoken to her much. When I don’t text her, she texts me. Should I go for her or move on? Vicky

Vicky, just like the poem Ábu Ben Adhem by Leigh Hunt (a distant relative of mine; we don’t keep in touch because he’s been dead for 200 years now), the last line of your query is the most important. She texts you even when you don’t text her. That brings us to the second most important word in the English language starting with the letter ‘Í’: ‘Ínitiative’ of course the most important word is Ídiot’. She is showing initiative, which means you’re on a two way street. So yes please drive your car and observe parking rules. (This analogy only works outside Delhi). If you look closely, you’ll see my thumb is up.

I have a crush on a guy who lives in my society. He seems to be nice and sweet. I have spoken to his friends but not him because I am shy. How do I talk to him? KD

KD, if your shy, the answer is proactive. First start by talking to your towel, then your hand, shower, then a closed curtain, then maybe a passing vehicle. A word of advise whilst practising, make sure no friend of yours is within ear shot though. Then pretend this guy is your towel or closed curtain and in the same relaxed way converse. Or you could first speak to him in a group. Confidence in numbers. Henry the IV could talk for hours to his soldiers, but was tongue tied when alone with his Queen. Probably because the Queen had disrobed by then though. Even one passing question like, What is the time, could start the ball rolling. Henry couldn’t use that opéning because he had banned all clocks from his kingdom at that time.

I have a crush on a girl. But the problem is that she is a year-and-a-half older than me. I have known her for just two months, but I feel strongly attracted to her. How do I tell her about my feelings?Z

Z, the year and a half older only becomes an issue if your just four years old yourself. So don’t make excuses. And please don’t just tell her your feelings. She may faint on the spot as a reaction to such brazen blatant emotion. There is a game to be played. A game called Love. Please observe the process and play according to conditions. You first have to establish an acquaintanceship. So find some common ground or reason to start conversing. For example the weather, your love for Barbie dolls, your views on ISIS your desire to grow the Kejriwal stache. Actually, just go with the weather.

I have been dating a guy for the last six months. He is an engineering student and doesn’t give me enough time. I have rejected so many proposals. I am confused if he really loves me. Whenever I talk to him about our future, he says it’s too early to discuss it. I always think if I should breakup with him. Please help. Stressed Girl

Stressed girl, didn’t you get the memo? No one is supposed to date engineering students! The memo came out in 1997! If he is closing down communications it’s not a good sign. He’s running away from the finality. The finality of you and him.

Read: Long distance love can work, you know

First Published: Dec 13, 2015 18:14 IST