Witerati: When Tom, Schick and Harry met Sally

The ongoing Euro championship is tossing up not only goals, but also tribes of Tweeple whose lives have been tweaked and tailored to train not just their eyeballs but also lifestyles for this titan of tele-entertainment
We’re talking here not of football fans, but non-fans whose lifestyles resemble Tauktae-alerted terrain by virtue of being under the same roof as sports lovers with a proven propensity to bring the roof down. (Representative Image/AP )
We’re talking here not of football fans, but non-fans whose lifestyles resemble Tauktae-alerted terrain by virtue of being under the same roof as sports lovers with a proven propensity to bring the roof down. (Representative Image/AP )
Published on Jul 11, 2021 01:14 AM IST
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ByChetna Keer

The ongoing Euro championship is tossing up not only goals, but also tribes of Tweeple whose lives have been tweaked and tailored to train not just their eyeballs but also lifestyles for this titan of tele-entertainment.

We’re talking here not of football fans, but non-fans whose lifestyles resemble Tauktae-alerted terrain by virtue of being under the same roof as sports lovers with a proven propensity to bring the roof down. At the drop of a goal. By any Tom, Schick and Harry.

These are tribes of Tweeple whose timelines have been tossed topsy-turvy by in-house Euro watchers glued to small screens or smartphone screens — spouses, sons or spaniels. Spaniels, not for their love of the game, but for the chicken lollipop or chilli cheese snacking that feeds all the Euro exclaim.

The “catch” in the timelines tossed topsy-turvy – the unearthly hours.

Of Gold Booty and Golden Boot

Sample this. An author friend would much rather be tucked into bed, dreaming of goals as sublime as shattering glass ceilings of global authorhood by bagging bylines in The New York Times or grappling with goalposts such as penning future masterpieces for The Washington Post.Instead, she finds herself sacrificing sweet slumber to stare at some other spectacular sort of goals.

Thanks to her sports journo son, she who knows not the A, B, C of soccer, has of late mastered the ‘D’ of it. That is, the tongue-twisting nomenclatures of all players in the team from Denmark.

She who is an uncrowned gold queen, courtesy the golden booty amassed from myriad magazine caption contests, and she who has hitherto been familiar with only one sterling – pound sterling – now finds her vocabulary expanding to include the other kind of boot and sterling: Golden Boot and Raheem Sterling.

The Curious Case of Sleepless in See-It-All.

Of rooting and relationship goals

The other species is symbolised by a better half who has been losing sweet slumber, not because she is driven by noble relationship goals of lending company to a lonely soccer-consumed spouse. Nah, she is staying awake well past her early bedtime solely to make sure her spouse stays awake. And doesn’t fall a victim to that other passionate pastime of his apart from soccer – snoring. The fallout – since the this better half stays awake to be sure the spouse stays awake, she’s not awake, for next day’s customary good morning WhatsApp calls to Biradri, BFFs & Co.

When we’re talking relationship goals in the time of soccer goals, how can our comic couple Lollita and Lamba ji be far behind!

Lamba ji is gurgling and guffawing as he goggles at the nail-biting England Vs Denmark action on the Idiot Box, his calf tendons twitching ‘n’ tingling to a bhangra unleash.“Where is the leash?” Lollita interrupts into his impending revelry.

“Kane!” Lamba ji roots raucously.

“How in the world can a cane help to leash the new kitty?” Lollita sounds stupefied. Lamba ji’s rooting refuses to be reined in. His jiving jollifications resemble those of a Labrador liberated from a leash. “Kane … Kane!’

“Are you insane … insane?” Lollita glares more frostily than the Gangotri glacier, and scornfully snaps shut the Idiot Box.

The curious case of Kane and Dis-able.

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Tuesday, December 07, 2021