The bitter fruit of becoming disengaged with the world
Young adults face rising bitterness due to isolation, anxiety, and pandemic impacts. Support programs and coping strategies are vital for their mental health.
I was at a university campus about three months ago giving a talk on careers in psychology to students to a group of 17 to 20-year-olds when one of them asked me: ‘What is a trick that stops one from getting bitter in life?’
I was a bit taken aback by the question and also the eagerness with which the rest of them awaited my answer. I felt dismayed to eventually hear how so many young adults struggle with a sense of bitterness and the complex emotions that follow. In the past I have written on these pages about how in the middle years between 40- 60 is when most people begin reexamining their lives and find themselves with bitterness about the hand life has dealt them. But it was the first time I was hearing such young people who have their entire lives ahead of them struggle with bitterness.
There is evidence from global studies that youth all over the world are struggling with loss of hope and social connection. These factors, along with mental health challenges, are contributing to helplessness, hopelessness and sometimes bitterness. Various factors have led them to this – one big reason being the pandemic. Young people in therapy often tell me that some of their best and formative years were taken away from them and they feel robbed in terms of time, opportunities and autonomy. A 22-year-old client said, “My parents are very strict, I was never allowed sleepovers, talking to boys or even going to a friend’s houses. I hoped that when I start college, I will know what freedom feels like, but I did my graduation virtually during the pandemic. Now I feel anxious, trapped and unsure about how to go out in the world and make friends. The phone only makes things harder as nobody really wants to meet and talk anymore.” Technological advances, reduced cost of mobile data and social media have changed the landscape of how young people interact or find love. When I was on the campus mentioned at the start of this column, I was shocked to see that most students were eating by themselves in the college—in the earlier years the site of so many romances--and watching their phones with headphones on. There was no space seemingly for interaction with new people or for bonding over lunch. The campus felt lonely even though it was filled with students.
The culture of anxiety and uncertainty that we are surrounded with adds to the woes of young people. While gig economy is on the rise, job insecurity, and constant social media comparisons about other people’s lifestyle are impacting young people. The self-inflicted pressure to achieve fame and success at a young age is impacting their self-esteem and the way they view the world.
Engagement and learning what’s in our control are the antidotes to anxiety and low mood. To learn to contribute to the lives of others, even if it’s in small ways, shows us the power of incremental change. Across schools and colleges, it is important to build programmes where young people are taught coping strategies, and given toolkits for managing their mood and seek help with mental health struggles. These educational institutions can nurture support groups where young people can work towards a social initiative, come to talk about their challenges and successes and find solidarity, support and solace. When I was young and struggled with hopelessness, I often turned to theatre, books and films. The more people lean into grounded optimism the more it will help them deal with bitterness. Ultimately, isn’t adulting a process of trying how to remain hopeful, do the deep work and find ways to overcome cynicism? We, as a society, owe it to our young people to find avenues for constructive real-life engagement and to give them the adequate tools to deal with the challenges that life throws up.